crew chief -- tone gets lots on the internet and in written word -- i think all folks here are trying to be helpful. i know i was (trying to advocate for the child targets of bullies, which is a HUGE issue these days in schools witness all the school programs for anti bullying).

you say "No, it isn't right to blame the victim. But I think it's also a great disservice to our children to always blame the bully."

any sort of blanket judgement ie who is responsbible, cannot be made without all the facts of any one individual case but as you say whats really important is this....

"It's terrible to see our children hurt, physically or verbally. Teaching them to understand why others behave the way they do but to also understand their role in situations is vital to them becoming strong, confident and caring adults."

YES, you are right, THAT IS THE KEY and we can use it to help our kids (which is what these boards are ultimately about anyway):

Targets are usually chosen for a REASON and if you teach your child the reasons, he she is less likely to become the victim of a bully at school or elsewhere.

Ladies, the purpose for this thread was for the sharing of ideas and to help us all learn more about working together in a positive environment.

Yes, <tell the kids>, people are responsible for their own actions. What we can't always control is how those actions will be perceived by other people.

As Tracey said:

unless you intentionally go out to hurt someone, you are not a bully, but this will not protect you from a sensitive person, who may see your confident persona as threatening.

As a child, I was amazingly sensitive and the easiest target for bullies. I had no body to show me any better and spent most of the time feeling like I deserved it. I was very fortunate to have wonderfully positive role models in my adult life that helped me become the strong, positive person I am now. Ironically, it's that very confidence that has some less confident people perceiving me as a bully. So, I'm learning all I can about "adult bullying", remembering the sensitive child I was, and trying to be 'sensitive to the sensitive folks around me'.

No, it isn't right to blame the victim. But I think it's also a great disservice to our children to always blame the bully. It's terrible to see our children hurt, physically or verbally. Teaching them to understand why others behave the way they do but to also understand their role in situations is vital to them becoming strong, confident and caring adults.

[ 05-24-2006, 07:31 AM: Message edited by: CrewChief ]

I thought people are responsible for their own actions. sounds a little like blaming the victim to say targets are too sensitive.

anyway, try tell your child next time he / she is hit, kicked, spit upon, pushed or name called, that he / she is just too sensitive.

Originally posted by <two hats>:
For me, your explaination is perfect, takes all the mystery out of "Was I a bully" when in fact it is the receiver of the message being too sensitive.

Interesting....not sure what to say that won't get me into trouble...how about, I don't agree but here we all agree to disagree. And I'm NOT being sensitive but I don't appreciate the idea that ALL bullying is that way.

Thank you, Tracey, for taking time to reply and for offering such insight. Your comments, along with the others on this thread, have been very helpful to me. I'm anxious to visit your web site.

Tracey, thank you so much for your words of wisdom. It is nice to have a professional chime in. For me, your explaination is perfect, takes all the mystery out of "Was I a bully" when in fact it is the receiver of the message being too sensitive.