Hello again, I see my post created a little wave of debate and I should probably clarify my position as under no circumstances would I anyone to think I condone bullying behaviour in any shape or form as my research clearly shows the detrimental affect this behaviour has on the mental wellbeing of targets.

This said, in the more subtle forms of social interaction, perception plays a part and as such should be acknowledged. Someone with a social phobia such as Gelotophobia will think people who are laughing are directing it at them, these people will also assume it is negative, thinking it is meant to be hurtful to them.

Teasing can be very playful, friendly and meant as harmless banter between people in social groups, yet a Gelotophobic would be convinced it was hurtful ridicule and directed at them as a form of bullying. It was for this reason I stated that confident outgoing people might be accused of bullying when that was the furthest thing from the person’s mind.

Therefore to follow up mykidsmom’s posting, the forms of bullying defined in my first post, intentional hurtful verbal or physical repeated actions are most definitely classified as bullying, and in these instances the perpetrators ARE BULLIES! Studies so far show that bullying in schools is running at about 35 to 40% of kids being involved at some level, it is essential that we as adults acknowledge it as a problem and realise it is harmful. Yet that is only part of the picture.

I think this too answers the point raised by <tell the kids>. A target of bullying is just that, a target of bullying and needs gentle counselling to recover to not be mentally scarred by the events. Yet we must also realise there is a grey area, and when someone says, “well I was only joking!” they could quite possibly have been doing just that!

As I also pointed out, the area of bullying research really does need to be brought into the 21st century as new ways to intimidate targets are found and hopefully the hard work of research will slowly filter through to the playground.

Due to the nature of my studies it is not appropriate for under 14 year olds, so I cannot comment on childhood bullying from experience as I only conduct studies with adults reflecting on their childhoods. Yet from the many hundreds of participants I have spoken to my feeling is the best way to aid your child against bullies is to give them the confidence in themselves to say when they are feeling sad and bad or scared about something and letting them know you are always there for them to hug them and support them. This way if they are unfortunate enough to become a target, they have the social support and therefore the coping mechanisms in place to recover quickly and not be damaged adults.

O would some power the gift to give us to see ourselves as others see us.
Robert Burns, Poem "To a Louse" - verse 8

Now stop! You're embarrassing me!!!

Seriously, I have been blessed to be part of a fantastic community. I've learned a lot, have often been made to look better than I am and, from time to time, have had to work through challenging situations. These six things are a few guidelines I try to follow and they've been very helpful over the years.

My husband has two favorite ones he follows at work:

1. There's never a reason to be nasty.

2. Perception is reality.

He's a guy so he uses a lot fewer words than me... But they're still good rules!

Oh My God!!!... so well put, absolutely well thought out and simply wonderful guidelines to live by when volunteering with PTO/PTA/HSA!!! I have to print them out and use them as a source of motivation when needed... thank you THANK YOU!

rubinitup - That is an awlful situation to be in. In my previous life in the business world, I was faced with a work-partner who did the same. (Martyr-Mary is what she was known as - not fair, but very fitting). Whatever the true/real situation was she had her way of twisting the facts, putting her spin on things, always saying that she was being bullied by co-workers, when in fact that could not have been farther from the truth. Of the 20+ staff, we were a great team, made great strides in our business and were down-right very successful... she on the other hand turned to her tactics of praying on the newer staff members trying to "build-up" an opposing team. Bottom line it always happened when she didn't get her way. Anyway, in the end, everyone who came to work with the office, realized the truth and found out for themselves who and what the problem actually was.

That is the sad part in these situations, it takes time and sometimes people get hurt in between, but the truth does come out. So, if you know in your heart that your group is doing a good honest job then who cares what she says... she'll look the fool in the end. (again harsh, but fitting).

Keep your head up... your children are lucky if they have a great HSA team working for the betterment of the school and their education!!!

Crew Chief a thousand thanks to you I especially like point #6 it's a great wrap up.
Consider also thanks for the interest. I do not listen or allow rumor and gossip. I think it's negative energy that only causes pain. That is why our situation was such a difficult one to manage but calm heads have prevailed and hopefully the person involved will one day see that even a thin pancake has 2 sides (and then she'll eat it). That last part was an attempt at humor. I find that if we laugh it clears our heads.
Thank's to all.

Thanks crewchief, you better copyright them, before some else writes a pto manual!!
And i guess i should have used the beatles song HELP! and not COME TOGETHER, although both applied, so, thanks for HELP!ing...and reposting your "words of wisdom'...oh no isnt that another beatles song or part of a song? those guys sure had good tunes and the right ideas didnt they. bring back the good ol days, i say.