I feel that PTO money shouldn't be used for major gifts. A small condolence gift or flowers is better. I do feel that PTOs can and should organize fund drives for charitable causes including those you described. For me, it always comes back to what your benefactors expected the money you raised to be used for. They expect it to help the students, teachers, and staff, not to be given away.
One of our students lost his father on Monday. There isn't a precedent on how our PTO group should offer its condolences. Some in our group feel that PTO should not offer any money to the family because others might come to us requesting monies for heating bills, water bills, etc. I personally think that PTO should offer a small gift, maybe $25 or sponsor a collection. Ideas and guidance will be appreciated!!! Thanks