I would first make sure you are not intruding on their lives if they don't want it. Just because you think your doing something good, it might not be in the minds of them. They may want to be left alone for now. Sometimes, less is more.
We had a child pass away a couple years ago and the principle spoke with the parents about it and they did not want anything done by the school.
I would not provide anything monitary to the family either, but if you are going to do something it should be a donation to a cause/fund in their name that would benefit locally (just my opinion). Or even a simple card just letting them know they are in your thoughts is enough.
When we have made donations outside of our school, they have only been to organiziations that provide back to the community that we live in (local food bank, youth center, operation christmas, etc).
We also had a parent loss a couple of weeks ago. Our PTO did not do anything but I am sure the school took up money. The same day a former student was killed in an accident. The whole county was in shock. Since we are new I didn't suggest to offer any money. We are blessed with a small town that knows how stick by each other during rough times. I think for the student there has been an account set up for funeral expenses. You could do that or start an account up for a scholorship honoring the person who passed away or a college fund for the children of the one who passed.
We did spend $50 to make a memorial to our school (private school) in memory of the sibling of a current student at the school. We wouldn't do this regularly but I don't think anyone had an objection. Our annual budget is about $50,000.
SHC
The PTO can also help in other ways besides financial. Our PTO has helped organize a dinner plan. One day every week, one family brings dinner to the family who lost a loved one. That way the family knows that every Monday, a hot meal shows up at their house.
Or they can help set up a car pool to pick up and take the children to events or meetings. There are many different things the PTO can help organize and do.
We had a similar last year. We donated $$$ (PTA Paid- $60) to have the family's yard done by the schools local gardner since the funeral, wake and sons graduation party were the same week
<font size=""1""><font color="#"black"">Liberalism is not an affilation its a curable disease. </font></font><br /><br><font color="#"gray"">~Wisdom of Shawnshuefus</font><br /><br><font color="#"blue""><font size=""1"">The punishment which the wise suffer, who refuse to take part in government, is...
This same situation happened recently at our school. The staff took up a collection and gave it to the family at the funeral home. The donation was from our school not the PTO. I would probably keep it that way.