Question: Bully Parents

How do you handle bully parents in a school or on the board--the ones that think they no it all and see nothing wrong with putting you down in public, making nasty comments. . but worse, others don't call them on it. I serve on a board in which we have a kingpin dad who is out of control ego wise--thinks he's running his own company, not equal to other members in voice. And it's not a control board either. But his during meetings and emails are threatening, belittling toward me. But he's got other non-parent members thinking he's Mr. Perfect. The outgoing principal was the only one who saw that. . the pastor sort of does, but he's hot and cold himself. I'm terrified of this man. HELP.

Asked by Burnedout

Answers:

Advice from PTO Today

Rose H writes:
Take heart in knowing you are not alone. There's a reason our article on dealing with difficult people is one of our most-read pieces. I think you will find some helpful suggestions in it.

There are bullies in this world, including grown up ones. If this fellow was truly confident, he wouldn't need to throw his weight around and belittle people at meetings. But, it happens. So, the best we can do is try to accept that he likely won't change and find ways to be confident, state your own opinions, and try to ignore stupid remarks. Try to stay focused on why you are involved -- to help the kids and be part of the school community. He can't take that away from you.

One thing, though. You do use the word "threatening'' and you say you are "terrified'' of him. If he has actually threatened you with any harm, go to the authorities.

Community Advice

annmariecoleman7@gmail.co writes:
I truly understand where you are coming from. It is very hard to deal with a parent who is a bully. We had one this past year as well. For us the bully attached our board, especially our new treasurer. After multiple emails from this individual and several outbursts during our general meetings, I decided to write a letter/statement to our membership. I drafted it with input from our board and our principal. During the next general meeting I told the membership that I had something that needed to be said and that I would greatly appreciate not being interrupted. I explained that I had written out what we needed to have said to ensure that it was said correctly, in the right spirit and that nothing was missed or forgotten. I read our statement which stated our purpose -to help promote a healthy, safe and supportive environment for our students, teachers, staff and administration. The statement also said that on our board we were all new-it was our first year- and we were trying to fill big shoes the best way we know how. It said that we were all volunteers and not getting paid at all except in knowing that somehow we were making a difference in lives of our children and community. It stated that we understood others had ideas and suggestion that we listen to and discuss as a board but that as the board we were elected to make decisions and proposals for the membership. Many parents came up afterwards and thanked us for expressing what they were thinking. The very next thing we did was organize an anti-bully conference. we invited the local police dept to come in and talk about bullying-including cyber bullying. It was such a great success that this year we are dedicating an entire month to an anti-bullying campaign AND bringing it to our students and teachers. The best part for us as a board was that the bully emailed each of us. She knew, without us saying names or pointing fingers at the meetings, that she was the reason for the statement and the anti-bullying conference.