If you still need a laugh, heres some more (I have not checked for authenticity or anything else):

Management Today
A magazine recently ran a "Dilbert Quotes" contest. They were looking for people to submit quotes from their real-life Dilbert-type managers.

These were voted the top ten quotes from the Dilberts we work for in corporate America, circa 2004:

"As of tomorrow, employees will only be able to access the building using individual security cards. Pictures will be taken next Wednesday,
and employees will receive their cards in two weeks." (This was the winning quote from Fred Dales, Microsoft Corp. in Redmond WA)

"What I need is an exact list of specific unknown problems we might encounter." (Lykes Lines Shipping)

"E-mail is not to be used to pass on information or data. It should be used only for company business." (Accounting manager, Electric Boat
Company)

"This project is so important we can't let things that are more important interfere with it." (Advertising/Marketing manager, United
Parcel Service)

"Doing it right is no excuse for not meeting the schedule." (Plant Manager, Delco Corporation)

"No one will believe you solved this problem in one day! We've been working on it for months. Now go act busy for a few weeks and I'll let
you know when it's time to tell them." (R&D supervisor, Minnesota Mining and Manufacturing/3M Corp.)

Quote from the Boss: "Teamwork is a lot of people doing what I say." (Marketing executive, Citrix Corporation)

My sister passed away and her funeral was scheduled for Monday. When I told my Boss, he said she died on purpose so that I would have to miss work on the busiest day of the year. He then asked if we could change her burial to Friday. He said, "That would be better for me." (Shipping executive, FTD Florists)

"We know that communication is a problem, but the company is not going to discuss it with the employees." (Switching supervisor, AT&T Long
Lines Division)

Ok, here's another funny.

An unattractive, mean spirited woman barged into Walmart with her two kids. Shoving her way past several customers waiting to get carts, she
demanded of the Walmart Greeter, "Go through those carts and find me one that doesn't need oiling for once!"
"Yes, Ma'am, happy to oblige," said the Greeter. He chose a cart for her.
"Here you are, Ma'am. I hope this one is okay."
"If you'd move out of the way, I could find out!" snapped the woman.
"Sorry, Ma'am," the Greeter said, standing aside. "You and the twins have a nice day."
The woman halted. "They're not twins, you moron! They don't even look alike."
The greeter agreed. "No they don't, Ma'am. I just find it hard to believe you got **** twice."

Pretty much all the honest truth telling in the world is done by children. ~Oliver Wendell

I received this in my email today. Thought I'd share it. Children can put things into perspective so easily sometimes.

Why Humans Live Longer Than Dogs

Being a veterinarian, I had been called to examine a ten-year-old Irish Wolfhound named Belker. The dog's owners, Ron, his wife, Lisa, and their llittle boy, Shane, were all very attached to Belker and they were hoping for a miracle.
I examined Belker and found he was dying of cancer. I told the family there were no miracles left for Belker, and offered to perform the euthanasia procedure for the old dog in their home.
As we made arrangements, Ron and Lisa told me they thought it would be good for the four-year-old Shane to observe the procedure. They felt as though Shane might learn something from the experience.
The next day, I felt the familiar catch in my throat as Belker's family surrounded him. Shane seemed so calm, petting the old dog for the last time,that I wondered if he understood what was going on. Within a few minutes,Belker slipped peacefully away. The little boy seemed to accept Belker's transition without any difficulty or confusion.
We sat together for a while after Belker's death, wondering aloud about the sad fact that animal lives are shorter than human lives. Shane, who had been listening quietly, piped up, "I know why."
Startled, we all turned to him. What came out of his mouth next stunned me. I'd never heard a more comforting explanation. He said, "People are born so that they can learn how to live a good life like loving everybody all the time and being nice, right?" The four-year-old continued, "Well, dogs already know how to do that, so they don't have to stay as long."

Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply, Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.

So true a OK

There are two lasting bequests we can hope to give our children. One of these is roots, the other, wings. Hodding Carter