slball;142259 wrote: . . . I am going to bring that up in the meeting. My answer will be that he needs to set the record straight. He will need to admit he was wrong to have ignored my requests to talk about my concerns. And that he was wrong to not have set the example in how to treat someone who messed up initially, but has apologized.
Why? I'm behind you in your feelings, but what can you possibly gain by dragging out this discussion?
1. The Principal apologized to you in private, I see no reason to put him in a position to admit he was wrong in public AND question his leadership abilities. You're going to alienate the only person who initially did sympathize with you.
2. Do you really want to have the Principal fight your battles, so to speak. The perception of that will only make the rest of the PTO members continue their grudge against you. It's like you're telling on them.
Let it go. Be the bigger person. What's done is done and constantly having it be a topic in EVERY meeting benefits no one and will start to reflect badly on you. The Principal can't make anyone apologize to you or tell them how to treat you. He could provide the most eloquent mea culpa known to man, but it won't change the personality of the other members. I know you need closure, but you have to accept you're not going to get it the way you want it.
dlf,
I agree with your not demanding an apology point. I’m still in the angry/venting mode, which is why this forum is great. It is a place for me to vent without making my situation worse.
I am the president of my homeowner’s association. I am the one people come to with their complaints/concerns. As the leader I have the obligation to handle those situations. I don’t have the luxury to ignore or dismiss those concerns because the person expressed them to me in a negative way, or if I felt personally offended or attacked. Besides, I don’t feel personally offended, because I choose to look past their anger or frustration to the heart of the matter. It is my job as president to figure out how to resolve problems, and address issues and concerns in a constructive manner.
I don’t have any hard feelings toward my neighbors who have, what felt liked, attacked me. We all work together toward the common goal of making our neighborhood the best it can be, and we get things done to achieve that goal. It is my opinion that the way a leader handles conflict goes along way in determining how friendly, welcoming and productive a group will be.
Since this is how I view and execute leadership, this was my expectation of the principal and co-leaders of the PTO.
It amazes me how a PTO or PTA can allow this to happen. Are these groups there for the school and children or their own benefit? Who is really being hurt, the individual "adults" or the children. I say the children. Working with a PTO at my childs school I see the lack of involvement. I've heard the talk about other parents, the criticisms, the even lack of involvement from principals. It is a shame. When I first attended meetings there were maybe 7-10 people at these meetings, and that was alot. This has not changed in 5 years, why? Because it is a not a PTO for the school and children it is a PTO for the individual parents to look good, and get recognition. Shame on all adults. We all need to grow up.
You know--I think if you go in there demanding apologies you're not going to be any further down the reconciliation line than you are now and may be in a worse place. I would suggest to just say what you did in the beginning with the "let's move past this". It is hard once you've offended a group to make inroads because most of the work that happens is done by "friends". We have to all kind of like each other in order spend the amount of time and effort that we do together. I would be hard for me to embrace someone that I felt came in attacking, even if they did apologize as I know you have. I always put on my "game face" when those folks are around but in reality I'm never natural around them and really would find it hard to hug them up until I was over the hurt.
I'm not saying how these folks are handling things is appropriately...I'm just thinking there's been enough drama about it all and perhaps just letting it work it's way past is the right thing to do. You are so close to the end of the year--maybe waiting it out till next year and starting fresh is another option you should consider.
Thank you so much. I have really been thinking about what you said "only people I love and/or care about and who know me, can hurt my feelings".
The people who know me, and whom I love, know the truth about the kind of person I am. That is all that matters to me.
I have let go of the hurt, now I am just angry. So I am going to work on getting a handle on that before the meeting. The principal had asked what we can do to get past this. I am going to bring that up in the meeting. My answer will be that he needs to set the record straight. He will need to admit he was wrong to have ignored my requests to talk about my concerns. And that he was wrong to not have set the example in how to treat someone who messed up initially, but has apologized.
I really want to continue my work, and I probably will no matter because I think it is so important. I'm not going to let a bunch of immature yahoos run me off.
You've done what you can. If they want to continue to act childish, that's on them. I think it's more important that the parents appreciate what YOU are doing with the website and newsletter. And if you decided to hand over your files and say to heck with it, I think they would realize what a wonderful service you've been providing them.
I sounds like a case of "the truth hurts" and the group hasn't been welcoming to new members. If the co-leader is cruel on the phone and phony in person, do you really want to keep trying to mend fences? Some people get a perverted sense of pleasure trying to make people gravel (sp??), makes them feel important. This lady just isn't that important.
You've gone above and beyond IMO, so go on doing what you've been doing, then make a decision if you want to continue over the summer. You have the right to be angry, but should let go of the hurt feelings because I go by the belief that only people I love and/or care about and who know me, can hurt my feelings. As for your son's teacher, you've shown in your deeds what you're about. Sorry you're not appreciated by the people who should be appreciating you.
