Slball, I know more now, thanks for clarifying. Mandating fundraisers and integrating them into the curriculum is not new or unique. It's done all the time in our district, whether it's hoops for hearts or Darfur relief or whatever.
By your own admission, you are new the workings of the PTO. I have been doing PTO work for the past 8 years and I equate it (others are free to disagree here) with the mafia. You need to come in quietly, volunteer, take on increasing responsiblity and make friends with those in power currently. By doing this, you increase your presence and gain the respect of other parents. Essentially, you 'make your bones'. When you are new to a school and your first time out, ask to meet with the principal and the exec. board and make a scene at your first meeting, you immediately set yourself up as a troublemaker. Please understand, these aren't my rules, they are the way of the world and anyone who works in a volunteer organization, be it little league or scouts or booster club will probably agree with me.
Women have loooonnnnngggg memories and until the women that you offended have aged out of your school, you will continue to have a tough time changing their minds. Don't give up and show them that you have every childs best interest at heart. Eventually, you will be able to laugh with them about your first introduction into the world of PTO.
Good luck.

search these boards under 'bullying' and 'relational agression' you will find many similar stories, and also books and references that may help you undeerstand their actions. you will never change the way they act, but by understanding, you can deal with it and move on.

To clarify:
My objection to the fundraiser was that it was made a part of the curriculum (in a public school), and there was no communication about it to the parents until after the kids (K-2) had been to a mandatory kick off rally and been shown toys they could earn, then sent home with the promotional materials. When it became a part of the curriculum, it was no longer just a PTO issue, it was a school issue which I had the right to express my concern about. Since the principal’s response to me expressing my concerns (even though I didn't do it in the most constructive manner) was positive, and he said he was open to listening to parents, I followed up by requesting dialogue with him about it. I did it via e-mail because I figured that was less confrontational. He did not respond.

I have not demanded anything, I have only requested to have an audience with the principal and the PTO co leaders to discuss it. I have done this via e-mail twice and once by phone since October, with no response what so ever. I have not brought it up AT ALL in subsequent meetings, and my apologies at meetings have been in response to someone else reminding everyone of my initial behavior.

Regardless of hurt feelings, making a bad impression, etc.. the principal is obligated to address all concerns brought to him by parents. He has acknowledged his failure to do so. He even said he agreed with my concerns and suggestions of a different way to conduct the fundraiser, and will suggest it at our upcoming meeting. He and I have cleared the air. I am moving on.

At the time I posted on here I was still very upset that I had been made out to be the "bad guy", when all I was doing was exercising my right to request to have my concerns addressed by a school official.

Thank you everyone who let me cry on their cyber shoulder, so I could get a grip and move on.

I have to agree with Gonesaleing. Its kind of like trying to shut the pasture gate after the cows have gotten out. As we all know, the spoken word must be weighed very carefully, because it can never be taken back. And sometimes, "I'm sorry" doesn't even begin to cover the damage it inflicts. You started off on the wrong foot with these ladies and it will take A LOT of time for them to forget. We all judge on first impressions, whether we admit it or not, and yours by your own admission, was less than stellar.

While I sympathize with you because I was in your same position of being the "newbie" a few months ago, there is a way to handle things. In all things, but especially PTO, you must be diplomatic. One thing I've noticed is I'm constantly playing the politician to keep all sides happy. In the beginning, we all feel like outsiders and feel that they are speaking over our heads. Thats part of being new. And it is very unnerving. But something I did was I kept telling myself, I'm new, they're not, and I will learn this. And I have. I've gone from "newbie" to being the president next year because I was willing to learn and realized that I had no right as a new member to come in and tell them what they should and shouldn't do. I earned their respect. I didn't demand it.

I don't think it was anything they were purposely doing TO you. They were just conducting business as usual. Up until you stood up and spoke, they had no idea that you had an opinion to voice. Now, while it was rude that they didn't acknowlege you and welcome you, attacking them verbally was not the way to go about making new friends.

Instead of demanding apologies, you must put yourself in their shoes. As you have said, you are the president of a homeowner's association. Imagine if someone new moved into your neighborhood, came to their first meeting, and immediately started telling you that you were doing this wrong, that wrong, and everything in between. And you've never even laid eyes on this person! How would you react? Human nature would be to turn to your friends for support and even rehashing the event. Yes, this person may have only attacked your policy, but because its your policy they're essentially attacking you personally. At least that's what it feels like. I'm sure you would be discussing the situation with others, just as the PTO members did about you.

I would leave the situation alone. You've apologized numerous times, essentially allowing it to be brought to the forefront of their memory over and over again. Move on. You're not letting them forget it! You've done a fantastic job with parent communication. They've let you have your little niche and that could be seen as the proverbial olive branch on their part. They could have just shut you down completely. Don't expect these women to welcome you into their fold and be their friend after you admittedly behaved poorly first off. With the way you keep bringing it up, you're just stirring the pot and putting the principal in an untenable position of trying to keep the peace. The more you keep at, the more they're just going to see you as a troublemaker. And nobody likes a troublemaker.

We need to all remember that this is not about us. Its about our children and our school. Sometimes that gets lost when parents put the focus on themselves, instead of where it should be. We volunteer because we want to make a difference. That's what motivated you to go in the first place. You saw a problem that needed to be addressed and you've taken steps to correct it.

Take a deep breath, get through the year, and begin next year with a fresh outlook and a new attitude. Don't let the last meeting of the year end on such a sour note. Given time, maybe the summer will allow hurt feelings on all sides to begin healing.

Ladies, this is volunteer work we are talking about here... VOLUNTEER WORK. It shouldn't make you cry, it shouldn't make you feel bad and it shouldn't make you need cyberworld validation of your feelings. We need to grow a thicker skins and ask yourselves 'Why am I here? What am I looking to get out of this arrangement?' Once you give yourself a truly honest answer then you will know how to proceed.

SLBall, you blew your opportunity to make a good impression by going off at the very first meeting. You made a mistake, you behaved badly. Stop apologizing and just own it. Face the fact that you are never going to be able to fix it and the sooner you get past it, the sooner others will as well. And don't be surprised if this issue comes back haunt you for a long time. Women pretend to forgive and you they may in fact, but they never forget. Alas, that is our nature.

I think you should follow your instincts and apologize. It is up to her her to decide what to do from there (although I usually find people respond very well to a sincere apology). But regardless of her response, at least you will be able to face her with a clear conscience, and you will be able concentrate on what needs to be accomplished for your school without that cloud hanging over your head.