Kellyraek-
Thank you for being able to objectively read my posts!

Laurib-
I realze that many men have traditionally thought of education to be a "woman's job" when the responsibilities of parenting are divied up. However, I think that type of mindset could be changed BEFORE their child enters school. To understand how important it is for all parents to be involved in their child's education, maybe parents could be learning this in some type of parenting class, before their kids are even in school. But, I understand all the logistical problems of that ever happening! Even if parents took a parenting class, there's no guarantee they would follow through.

Parent/Teacher conferences -maybe they should be called Dad/Teacher conferences to get some of the dads that (it appears to me) so many of you seem to think need to be coddled and personally invited to attend their child's school, when they should WANT to be attending because it is in the best interest of their child!! I can go on and on with the Back to School nights, class musicals, fundraisers.....etc.

Just a quick note, because I could go on an on about this very topic, but we started holding Donuts with Dads 3 years ago. It was the first of its kind, and before that you almost never say a dad on campus for anything, conferences included. Since that first "DADS" event, which included uncles, grandpas, mentors, big brothers, cousins, neighbors, teachers, etc., we have had more men at every event since.
Most of the men, like my husband, thought that school functions were for the women to attend. I always went and explained everything to him later. He was interested but didn't want to be the only guy there.
After they all met at the Donuts with Dads event, talked, got to know one another, and the teachers and staff of the school, they now feel right at home on campus.
My point is, sometimes you do have to coddle them in the beginning to let them know they are needed and wanted. After all most of them are just big, little boys. No offence to any of you men out there.

Thank you, Pearlie, for taking a difficult stand. I appreciate your original post... I took it as the offering of another perspective, not the advocation of the event's demise. I feel it is unfortunate that others replied with such a mean spirit... especially since you post very eloquently! Please keep offering your opinons... they are of value to us all.
Kelley Kirkpatrick-Berg
Madison PTO President

Backhoed - Happy Holidays to you too!

Can you please explain to me what you meant by:

But Pearlie, I think the way you wrote things just put everyone's hair up on our backs.)

I'm at a loss on that one, as I was only expressing my opinions. If any one should have had some hair up on their back, it could have been me...but, I have a thick skin, so written words don't offend me much!

Michelle B. -

Please read my posts thoroughly and without assumption.

I believe that many schools no longer celebrate Halloween, but have replaced it with a type of Fall Festival. We don't call our winter party a Christmas or Hanukah party, but it is a Holiday party and all cultures are celebrated.

As you can see, I used the word MANY SCHOOLS when referring to Halloween. While MANY schools in our area have dropped Halloween parties alltogether, MY school celebrates Halloween and Fall Festival on alternating years. This was a policy put into place by my school's SIT team 10 years ago - before I was involved with the school. They also appropriately started the HOLIDAY parties instead of Christmas parties at about the same time.

Most of our board members are single parents, divorced on second families and also grandparents and yet, they still participate in the events and put them together in the first place.

It is refreshing to hear you have so many parents that fall outside of the 2-parent family involved,(and I hope you have plenty of 2-parent family members as well) but very similiar to Dads being a small percentage of PTO/PTA boards, minorities and single parents are also a small percentage nationally.

In other words, you prefer white-washing everything in order to not offend but meanwhile, your children are missing out on the richness of diversity.

Ha, ha, ha....sorry, but I couldn't help but laugh when I read that sentence....Diversity is an issue near and dear to my heart and trust me ...I won't ellaborate but, my kids are more than clued in about diversity.

Granted, you state your ex does not attend anything at the school but since there is no specific thing there that invites him, perhaps that is the reason.

This one really got to me! Lets see, and keep in mind he is self employed and has a very flexible work schedule...I'd start out with probably the most important - Parent/Teacher conferences -maybe they should be called Dad/Teacher conferences to get some of the dads that (it appears to me) so many of you seem to think need to be coddled and personally invited to attend their child's school, when they should WANT to be attending because it is in the best interest of their child!! I can go on and on with the Back to School nights, class musicals, fundraisers.....etc. If a dad (or Mom) isn't involved in a child's school BEFORE a divorce, they usually don't step up to the plate and realize how significant and important it is to be. Same with Dads(Moms in some cases) still married...if they doin't attend the significant meetings/events in their child's school, I surely wouldn't be in favor of rewarding that poor behaviour with a DWD or (MWM in some cases).

I gather if your PTO wanted to do this, you would be very vocal in the fact that you would find this offensive and purpose to speak for other parents like you.

I happen to be very soft spoken but, I do speak my opinions about matters using a diplomatic style. I would not be so foolish to think that I can speak for all divorced people, people of my ethnicity, women, etc. I happen to think I am able to bring some personal experience to many issues because of these things though.

I seriously suggest you rent that South Park.

I agree that this post has sprung a life of its own, but I think some people have been reading into things I"ve posted and assumed things that aren't there. I can always use a good comedy to watch!


Librarymom -

This is just to say that if you want your children to attend any events there is a way for that to happen.

Probably true if the event already exists.

It sounds like so many of your schools have gender-specific days - DWD, MWM, dad/daughter dances, grandparents day, etc. We have none of those and none have every been proposed (that I'm aware of). I think the present and past boards must concur that for MY school, holding events for the entire family is what they are most comfortable with.

[ 12-22-2004, 09:32 AM: Message edited by: Pearlie ]

That being said, and given the fact most groups also hold a MWM, if this breakfast event ever was proposed WITH MY PTO, and space was an issue, I would suggest that the FAMILY event be held on more than one morning possibly according to an alphabetical system based on the child's last name. I still don't see where family events are OPPRESSING ANYONE!

What about the poor child whose last name is not in the beginning of the alphabet?.....you might have them upset that they can not go when the A-M's go because of their last name....The point here is you can not make everyone happy and you will most likely have someone have an issue with everything you try to do.

Michelle makes a good point in diversity. (As always, you wrote quite eloquently (sp)) It is what makes the world go round. I can just see into the future... "we are all the same, look the same, dress the same do the same things and god(oops make that gosh)gosh forbid if someone steps out of line.

The bottom line here is most of the participants in this discusssion are here to help and do for all. We have seen and heard it all, the good, the bad, the compliments, the complaints and for the most part,we all agree that we do the best we can and you "can't please em all"!

I am done on the subject. (But Pearlie, I think the way you wrote things just put everyone's hair up on our backs.)

Happy Holidays!