Hi All --
First of all -- thanks for all the input. One thing is clear here: folks on both sides of this one have their hearts in the right place. It's a disagreement between people who care passionately about kids and schools. That's great.
And Pearlie -- I hope you'll continue to provide your perspective. It's extremely important for parent group leaders to listen openly and consider all feelings. If you feel this way, there are likely at least a few folks at every school who feel similarly. (Doesn't mean leaders have to accede 100% to every parent's wishes, but we have to be open-minded and accepting as leaders, lest we get -- maybe rightfully -- deemed a clique.)
That said, let me give you my perspective -- both as a dad and an involvement watcher -- on why events like Donuts with Dads and Muffins with Mom and Grandparents Day and International Night and a Dads Club and other "subset-specific" events/efforts are needed.
Yes, all parents should be extremely involved without heroic measures by the school or PTO. No doubt about it. And folks who are on this website generally think of involvement as second nature. "Of course I go to parent conferences and attend family events and PTO meetings. I would never think about not doing so."
But there's this whole huge set of parents for whom involvement is not nearly as presumed. They're busy. They're involved heavily in other volunteer efforts. They're taking care of a sick mother 24/7. They're working 2 jobs. They're painfully shy. They're lazy. They're really intimidated by school (perhaps because their own school experience was not so swell). Yadda. Yadda.
These are the folks we're trying to connect with. And while -- yes -- they should get involved because involvement is important, and it would be nice if there was some sort of required training for all parents before their kids got to school, that's just not reality. Therefore it's up to us as parent group leaders to reach out to parents in as many creative ways as possible. Parent Involvement is that important. Building parent involvement at school is the #1 job (by far) of parent group leaders.
Why Donuts with Dads? Because getting dads connected to school is really important. It leads to great things for kids and schools. (And not just for the kids of those dads -- research shows that higher involvement at school helps all kids in that school, not just the kids of the involved parents...) . While those dads shouldn't need special events to get them connected, they do. While meetings and other traditional events are open to dads, a huge percentage of dads have the *impression* that those events are ladies events. And therefore, many dads don't attend. Impressions are powerful.
Nice as it sounds, just sending out a newsletter that says: "No, really dads, our meetings aren't just for moms" won't do the trick. Dads don't read the newsletter and -- if they do -- many will remain skeptical.
But if we create a special event focused on Dads.... Child brings home an invitation that says "To Dad".... the event is at a time that supports a common Dad schedule... event is Dad-like (coffee and donuts, gym night, playground build...), then the odds of getting a good chunk of Dads to participate goes way up. And once they participate once and it's a successful event, then they're far more likely to come back a second time. And after that, they're far more likely to step into more traditional involvement settings, as well.
Plug grandparents into this discussion in place of Dads, and you really get the same result. Some kids have no living or close grandparents. Grandparents aren't likely to attend traditional involvement settings (PTO meeting). And having grandparents involved adds value to the school. Therefore, grandparent events are a nice solution.
Is it playing into stereotypes? Yes. Do the stereotypes have some truth to them? Yes. Does it work to build long-term parent involvement? In my experience, yes. Very well.
And involvement is so important for all kids.
That's my soap box. I do appreciate your perspective, Pearlie. I hope you see mine, as well. Groups that do choose to run subset-specific events will do well to keep your concerns in mind when designing their events.
Tim
[ 12-23-2004, 11:03 AM: Message edited by: Rockne ]