Yes, I did take offense to the shoe comment because for a lot of years, new shoes or anything new for me, wasn't an option. Yes, there are parents who could attend that don't but even then, if they are a working parent, that means one less hour with their children.
Holding parents accountable, as Florida does, doesn't include volunteering at the school or PTA meetings. It's things like P/T conferences and the like because that is their education. Clothing, food and the like, takes money, not time.
As for being available to the parents, I see it as the rarity rather than the norm. There are those teachers that actually care and there are those who are just working on their masters so they can get the hell out of Dodge. It's just a stepping stone to them.
I briefly said it before, I know that being a teacher is often a thankless job and you work long hours and have your own families and you definitely don't get paid what you're worth but in your case, attending is part of your job. It also takes a special kind of person to work with disabled children and I'm certain that it puts you over some of the other teachers as well, as far as commitment goes.
I too speak from experience, I deal with 30 different schools in two different counties/school districts on a regular basis. I talk to teachers, parents, staff and school board alike. I attend school board meetings as a PTA representative and I'm involved in several groups at the district that some people involved get paid for. I don't. I have talked to parents at their own PTA meetings, at school board meetings, and the like. I've met with struggling PTAs that have the problem of involvement and talked to many of the parents at those schools. I've heard their stories. I see other parents that are not involved at the school, at church events, cub scouts, sports and music. Many of them work, and those that don't, are working in their communities on Safe Kids or Gifted and Talented or groups related to IDEA. Just because they aren't doing it there, doesn't mean they are not working for their children. This isn't their priority and they don't volunteer HERE because they see a value in the other things they are doing for their children. As a volunteer, I'm sure other groups would love to have me, in fact, think that I'm not giving time THERE because I don't care.
I only have so much time to go around and the bulk of it is spent with my child. Volunteering on the PTA does take time away from him. I think that every parent here could say that they could spend more time with their families if they weren't volunteering at the school. (How many PTA/PTO widowers out there?) If they are in the classroom and they have another child, the other child loses some of their time.
I try really hard to value my teachers and see their side of things. I think that they too should give that same respect to us, as parents.
I really think that the shoe analogy you should have used is "when I've walked a mile in them";
and not just one pair but every style, shape and color you can imagine.