Jules, when a naysayer says nay, can you ask them for an alternative?? get them engaged in the process, let them feel part of the solution.

if they are only complaining and not offering a better way to do something, then that is your answer -- they are just venting on you/the PTO or using that as a way to get rid of personal angers or frustrations....so best is to just ignore those people.

of course, it doenst make life easier by ignoring the constant naysayers.,,but seeems they will eventually tire of their own game and find someone else to take it out on, once they realize theyre not bothering you. ie some people only get satisfaction by seeing someone else is hurt by your actions, if you brush it off, they get bored, its like the pavlov dogs, they will keep on naying ONLY if you 'reward' them by showing your frustration. psych 101 from college i think. very useful. just like with kids, ignore the bad behavior (if its not life threatening or dangerous or damaging to property) and reward (react to)only good behavior. if you react to every bad behavior, show you are mad about it, that only reinforces it and chances are the kid will do the exact same thing again.

Hello, all.

I have to say, that EVERYONE has such insightful wisdom to bring to the table. Even from squabbles you can learn, it's true.

Probably the hardest thing for me, as a parent, as a volunteer, as a community member, and as someone who just wants to make the school better (NOT that it was bad to begin with) is that no matter how hard you try, it's never enough. It's never right. It's never something. And that, my friends, is an inner struggle.

It's something I have to let go of, I know. You're right. I can't please all of the people all of the time, but the people I please even SOME of the time seem to be repeat offenders.

How can I quit preaching to the choir so that I can branch out and even feel like I'm APPROACHING the line of "enough" or "right?" I'm not trying to say I need to satisfy the naysayers, but I need to find a good balance so that the naysayers will quit saying "nay."

I suppose this should be an entirely different board, but I have so enjoyed the input from everyone here that I hate to let it go.

clara - no OUCH intended!!! pls consider --- THIS is what hurts me to hear : "When a situation involves a parent a principal certainly has the right to ask questions of other parents or teachers to try to get to the truth of the matter, to make sure she/he has all the facts before approaching the parent in question......We had a situation at our school where sharing information proved very beneficial. We have several difficult parents and one in particular has been going around bad mouthing and questioning everything .......Communication is very important, if the principal is avoiding the trouble maker it may be because no matter what the principal says it will not please the trouble maker. "
For a principal to think she is getting the TRUTH and FACTS from other parents, and then to AVOID the parent and not her his her side, THAT is one big bleeder imo!! pls consider the other point of veiw. that was my point about your matters sounding like a whole lotta hearsay (not to mention school admin stuff as accord. to a later post) without corroboration, being found guility in the court of rumor....and not even having the head of school , the ultimate arbiter of parents, to hear all sides....i cannot find this acceptable NO MATTER ALL THE DETAILS. IF one seeks out hearsay, one MUST be fair and hear the other side. end of story, i will not bother you more about this pet peeve of mine. and Jules, i couldnt agree more, that its time to move onwards in civil and respectful fashion, acknowldeg that yes we CAN disagree but find a solution acceptable to all. its called dialogue, its called respectful lstening with out prejudging, its called not having an agenda and listenign fairly. for that, it is sometime of utmost import to invite a NEUTRAL party (just like crewchief suggested), someone with no vested interst in the emotions, built up hostilities, the freindships, the webs, all the ties that bind. the word for that in the corporate setting is FACILIATOR and it means jsut what is says,,,to ASSIST. sadly, it sounds here like parents like to confront personality matters one on one and hash it out, but emotions surely get in the way and prevent amicalbel resolution. its human nature. PTOs can learn a lot from the corporate world. imitate the experts. i love IBMs mantra, one of thier 3 top personnel mantras is RESPECT (if i am not mistaken). if everyone treated differing ideas/messengers with RESPECT, many of these blogs would not be necessary, not for venting, nor for soliciting advcie. OK i will put my hanky away, too many words are not good either! bye bye topic (for me) and Jules, chin up, dont let em knock you down. youve got the right motivation and good heart...."We’re swallowed up only when we’re willing for it to happen." – Natalie Sarraute

See, that's what I'm talking about CrewChief! If we had more outgoing members who were actually excited about passing the baton in a good way, then it would be so good for the new members. But it's more of a "phew" that I'm feeling.

And, that's bad. I mean, what kind of message does that send to people who are going in? It's no wonder that people are reluctant to join, and there have been vacancies for so long, which is why it's shocking that they are not trying to be more welcoming to those who ARE excited about their new positions.

Why NOT let them have their hearts on their sleeves just this one time? Why NOT let them show some enthusiasm? This is a great time for us. Do we have to be exposed to the "dark side" right away?

Yes, if it was easy, everyone would do it, and no one would complain. Much like parenting, and everything else worthwhile in life. But, let us find that out for ourselves.

So, yes, I think it's great to see someone like you, CrewChief, who has been a PTO-er for eight years and still excited about it. Still wanting to get new info, still willing to impart words of wisdom. It's from people like you that people like me and Clara can learn.

And, too, to your point about disagreeing. I'm not looking for everyone to agree with me. I'd be scared if they did. I just want the disagreements in the OPEN. Lay your cards on the table, tell me how you feel, get it out there, be done with it. Then let's move on and be productive.

Jules

Hey Jules! No worries.... I'm not disgruntled, just ready and eager to turn the reigns over to a newer, more energetic crew. Our community is growing and changing at an outrageous pace. The PTO needs to grow and change with it and these new ladies are more than up to the challenge. To use your house analogy, (which is brilliant!)... I'm excited to see what they'll do with the place!

Clara - hang in there girl! There's plenty being said here in this thread. It certainly is helpful to hear from another perspective. What did I hear in the news the other day? I wish I could accurately credit the author - "Just because we disagree doesn't mean we have to be disagreeable." Way to keep your head up and continue working towards the betterment of your community!

Thanks, tooearly. I appreciate the kudos. Not looking for it, but could really use them. It's been a rough ride lately. The wrecking ball has been fast and furious, and I don't see an end anytime soon.