After Saturday's breakfast meeting, I sure don't feel like the President! NOt that my ideas are all knowing and perfect (sssshhhhh) but man, we have a new member is so hard to have a back bone around her!

you know though LUV, my Dad would say the same thing and then add that they don't have Jesus in their life (he's become so much more Catholic since getting a dish!)--whatever he means by that!

Just was hoping to write that off as a bad childhood thing....guess not.

LUV--you are so right! In fact a bunch of us always joke that the anti-bullying programs should be aimed at the parents (and in our case, the principal as well) first. Let's face it, the majority of the time that's where the kids learn it first.

I'm always grateful we have theses boards--though it's sad to think I'm NOT the only one with these types of problems, it is comforting knowing others out there understand how you feel. Misery does love company!

What I find ironic about my situation is that I've now become the person I used to roll my eyes about at meetings (any kind)! Now that I'm older and wiser [img]tongue.gif[/img] , I'm seeing maybe--just maybe--I'm not always right. This whole parent involvement chapter of my life has taught me a little bit more about myself and others than I bargained for.

I am the bully at our school. Or at least that is what I have been told and what has been said about me. And you know why? Because I am the one standing up saying hey, we need a budget, hey we need to write some bylaws, hey we need some financial oversight here. The "old guard"(pres)has accused me of not being part of the team, trying to work against her, and trying to drive her out of office.

Stand your ground as long as you feel what you are doing is right and gather your allies. Don't let them drive you away. I wish we had more people like you at our school.

You know my dad and I had a discussion on this issue just a couple weeks ago. Our school district has instituted a new anti-bullying program and they had a big kick-off at the school which made the local newspaper. Parents who attended were impressed and excited at the efforts being made to make school a safe and welcoming place for ALL kids. My dad had a little different outlook. Let's just say that he believes life can be rough and you should just deal with it. He also does not support character education in schools. I've tried to explain that school and the world in general are very different places for kids now. Many kids don't get that loving, supportive, moral based family life.

One thing he said really hit home though. He said that even as adults we get bullied and see adults who act like bullies. He was so right! I am personally experiencing it at work-although we'll see who wins this showdown. I've also experienced it in our PTO in previous years. We had some really nasty times a few years ago and there are still some negative impressions and hard feelings.

You know, though he may have been right in that statement, he was so wrong in the thought that the anti-bullying campaign doesn't belong in the school. If we teach our children what behavior is inappropriate and how to handle those people who try to bully us and they teach their children, and so on, then pretty soon there will be a world without bullying. Maybe we need to utilize that program for ourselves. As adults when we see someone being bullied or encounter it personally, we need to stand up and say "I don't like when you speak to me that way. It makes me feel bullied." If enough of us speak up and tell the bullies that we're not taking it anymore, then maybe we can change the situation.

I say get your friends together and tell them how you feel and ask them if they aren't tired of being afraid. Then go to that next meeting and share your ideas, concerns, and opinions. If any of the "bullies" start in on you, just tell them that you thought this was a group that was there for the betterment of the education of ALL the students and that ALL parents had a voice in the decisions and that you would appreciate being able to just speak without feeling like there will be reprisals if your opinion is not a popular one.

Don't feel bad. I had to spend 3 months with a President no one wanted, knew was doing things inappropriately, and was running the group into the ground, because no one else would back me up when I pointed out that she was wrong or her idea wouldn't work. Thankfully, she resigned. Our group has run the list of bad things that happen to chase parents off over the past years. Though I wish I had more time to convince parents it's different now, part of me is really happy that the few of us that are there are extremely dedicated, highly involved, and love getting feedback (good or bad) and using to to make the school better. I know we are supposed to not be clickish but after 3.5 bad years, it's nice to have some calm.
Honestly, I think you have 2 choices, get some of your friends over for coffee and get them behind you for the next meeting or sit quietly and use your ideas to help you run for president and change how it is done. Either way, good luck and know you aren't the only one.

Not a question, more of an observation. I always knew that there are certain personality types that just have to be confrontational, bossy, or not so pleasant etcetera. But to be honest I never realized just how prevelant bullying is in our little sphere of adult interactions. Or how easily grown woman can allow themselves to be bullied!

As I get more informed about my school's PTO, and as I observe behaviors and listen to my friends and other parents explain why they did or didn't do or say something at a meeting or on the sidewalk in front of the school, it suddenly became glaringly apparent that the officers in our school's group are bullies, plain and simple. It goes much farther than not wanting an argument or confrontation, or being shy, or "picking battles." I'm seeing more and more that women I know who are so self-assured in other parts of their lives are afraid - AFRAID! to speak their minds, or disagree, or point out that a line of thinking or planning is faulted or stick up for their friends or themselves!

They fear being humiliated, or ignored or "left out" or having favors withheld. They fear having their kids ostracized. It's just amazing to me just how powerful that fear of rejection is - even if the rejection comes from someone you wouldn't/don't want as a friend anyway.

I learned this at a recent meeting, when I finally had to disagree with something. You'd think I openly accused them of being prostitutes on the side. The reaction has been acidic, to say the least, and I was surprised at my own reaction, which was initially to be freaked. And believe me, I've never been one to shy away from a great debate or argument. I sat and analyzed it, and started to get angry. I'm a jerk for even making a whisper of a hint that maybe something isn't be done according to "da rules," or needs to be examined, but you're not and you're the one flagrantly breaking the rules? I started thinking about my father, and how he'd have asked me,"What the Hell do you care what those women think? Are these people you'd be proud to call friends?"

At any rate I know the next meeting will be tense, to say the least. If I should have anything to say they will be bound and determined to silence me. Even if what I say has merit it will be discounted because I'm a "trouble maker." I was honestly saddened that some people I consider friends are uneasy to open their mouths to defend me in a meeting. Either they live in one of the officer's neighborhoods, or deal with them in some other capacity and are honestly afraid to stand their ground.

Well--that was a mouthful! Needed to purge myself there!