Ijust ran across this discussion and did not read all the postings but just wanted to add my 2 cents.
I have sat in as an advocate for children before-usually as a personal friend. I have been involved in the school as a Board Member and Volunteer Coordinator.

The question I have is if this child's behavior is a result of a disability (i.e. ADD, behavioral disorder etc)? If I was a personal friend of the family and this was just a result of bad behavior on the child's part and there was a question of if this suspention was excessive I might sit in. But as PTO president- I don't think so. I have set in on a couple things and when I heard the whole story, had to turn to the parents and say "The school has a point". I think sometimes you can act as a neurtal party and help relieve the emotional tension. Parents often feel it's them against the school system.

If this was a child with a disabilty and there was a question of violation of IDEA or 504, and you have a history of advocating in those situations, I think your role as advocate is seperate from your role as PTO president.

In general I wouldn't think it would be appropriate for any PTO president to sit in on any such meeting just because a parent felt it would be helpful to have them there. Pto has no say in school policy per say and I can't see why it would be expected that having you there could benfit anything. If they need support they should turn to someone else- friend, minister, relative, etc.

Like I said it'sjust my 2 cents worth. Hope the out come was acceptable for everyone.

More than a notion.........Let me say first and formost that I have a relationship throughout my scholl and district. I am well known, because I am VERY VERY active with both the parents and the children. Many times FAR FAR beyond a PTO Pres. calling....

You are so right.....and it saddens me to say, but I might not be able to save this one...unfortunately, I don't know how to stop trying.

Because I am so well known in the district, school and community, I don't believe that anything was held back in the meeting. Overall, I believe and agree that 4 days of suspension is far toooooooo much, for any child that experienced this situation, but also as a parent of a child that was testing in the school on the same day, am concerned that this one child's behavior could have caused my child not to do so well.

I am slso very confused....the parent is aparently in denial (why would she not want her child helped). Also did she use me in hopes that she would come out with the upper hand? It is also apparent that this parent might have some issues of her own (maybe mental).

Personally, I feel that a calling has been placed on my life (by a higher power)....what I mean is everytime soething happens in the school, the principal refers them to me. Example: last year a grandparent with all 10 of her grand children enrolled in our school, and they did'nt have uniforms, etc., and it was around Christmas. The principal gave her my number and from their the ball was rolling. Collectively in the school and community I made sure all 10 of her grandchildren had uniforms and an awesome holiday.....then a fire occured at one of the neighbooring apartment complexes and it affected some of the students at our school...again the building principal called me and within 4 days with the help of the school and community I pulled of a benefit concert that grossed a large sume of money along with clothes, housing help, furniture, etc.

The thing is, I don't always know how I am going to see these things through, I just play the cards that I am dealt.

One more important thing is that I love it, everything I do comes from the heart, and I never claim to know it all, because I don't, what I do know is that I have to help, just like with this parent and child, I have to help until I can't help any more, then I have to educate other parents as much as I can on subjects like this so collectively we try not to duplicate behavior.

I guess you can just call me caught up!

It sounds like there is so much more to this story than what we see here. Suspending for 4 days is drastic for one offense, could there be more that couldn't be brought up because of your presence at the meeting? The parent knows that there are problems with her son, but she just bounces him from place to place and blames the school for his being behind? And when the school gives him a second chance to take the test, doesn't take him? We had a very similar situation at our school last year...a student was in a private school in the states, then home schooled, and then the parents wanted him in our school. There were obvious problems with the child so our school required testing and evaluations before bringing him into the classroom and the parents refused. Being a private school our policy states that we are not equipped to educate children with special needs and the parents knew this before they took this international assignment...but they refuse to believe that this child needs help. My husband (school board president) and I (PTO Pres) were both approached and asked to intervene, but we stood firm by the school policy. You have to look at the big picture which is the entire school. This child was brought into the classroom for a week (to be evaluated) and he was so disruptive. Why should the other students have to suffer this?

I'm glad you stood by your friend, and I hope she can look at her child with open eyes as that will be the key in his education! I also hope that if your principal did truly step over the line with the discipline, she will re-evaluate her thinking when it comes to mainstreaming!

WOW! If the info you got is correct I think that four days is way too long. However, that being said, this is clearly not the real issue here.

This boy needs alot more than Sylvan can give him. I can understand the parent's frustration with the system but either work with it or pull him out and put him in a private school. I know that many parents want to "mainstream" their kids and not have them in "special ed" but someone needs to look after the best interests of this boy.

I am unclear as to how the four day suspension was decided upon.

I think the mom made a big mistake in not returning the child to school today. She is sending a BIG message to the administration!

Since you are already involved, I think you should advise her to have her son tested. If she doesn't want the school to do it she can take him to a psychologist and have an independent test done. Or, (as I did) have him tested then have the results reviewed by her pediatrition or a psychologist.

And you want to be a Parent Advocate? ROFL Just Kidding.

Interesting to say the least and so so different from what we would have done and can do.

I do not know the other tools open to the principal at that school. All I can go by is my own, and here at best it would be in school suspenion what we call GASP. He would have taken the test just not in the same room with the rest of his class.

This morning in our lunchroom a child having breaskfast was told with table to go to to sit and eat his breakfast (No children are not permitted to pick their own spots becuase they will sit next to friends, talk instead of eat and end up not eating before the bell). This child became angry and refussed to go where he had been directed. He was rude to the teacher on duty beyond all reason. His tamptrum was disrupting other children. He was yelling and crying.

To make a long story short his behavior was about the worse you could imagine!

The VP (bless her patience) tried very hard with him to get him to go along with the program. When the bell rang he continued to sit there not eating his breakfast saying he could sit where ever he wanted and so on and so forth. The GASP teacher was called and he was place on in school suspension for a week. I visited this child later in the day in the GASP classroom and he was calm, doing his work and behaving as if nothing was amiss.

I wont go into the detail of what is wrong with this 9 year old, yes he has been tested, etc we are working on effecting a behavioral change.

But back to the point - we did not have to send him home. His parents have been notified he is on in school suspension and a conferance with them is scheduled - again. The parents here are not far off from your parent either. Their little angel can't be acting like this. It's unfair that we put him in suspension he has no problem despite the data!

I feel for you and your problem, I wish I had a magic something to wave and make all these at risk children's parent understand they are not helping their child when they act as bad as the child does. I dont so I wont wish for one!

But I will offer one bit of advice - you may not save this one, but the next one you will! At some point some parents do get it, some principals get it, someone with a heart as big as yours gets through - and then all the nonsense, all the lack of common sense on the part of people involved, becomes meaningless because a child is given a chance to succeed!

Let me get this straight...The parent knows the child needs extra help but has in the past refused him that extra help? The school is aware that this child has academic problems which sometimes leads to behavior problems and instead of guiding the child in a difficult time they suspend him for 4 days??? Sounds like no one came out ahead especially this poor child! What about the other disruptive boys, did they get a suspension? And why was this child singled out to be the one to tell the story of what happened?

I can't imagine an elementary child getting suspended from school at all for anything less than physically threatening someone or bringing a weapon to school. Children do tend to be disruptive sometimes, that is a fact of life, do they suspend all disruptive students?

I think I would forget about being PTO prez and concentrate on being a parent and tax payer and find out exactly what kind of policies your child's school has for exceptional children. Does the school not have detention? This appalls me that a child could be treated so cruelly in this day and age. Not just in your school but everywhere . There are counselors and programs that are accessible to just about everyone. There are really no excuses anymore.

I am really suprised that you were allowed to stay in that meeting because of confidentiality.