It's snowing....yeap it's snowing here in Colorado. Talk about wanting to just bake....nevermind the Entertainment book fundraiser closing, Sally Foster started, Globtrotters tomorrow at our school, 3 kids on 3 different field trips on the same day! Yeah, laundry, dishes, vacumming and a haircut. I would love to have an hour to have a haircut and *gasp* my nails done!!

Last night at our school board meeting, four parents were interviewed for the vacant spot that was not filled in the election. One of the four parents has been an active volunteer and his wife and myslef have worked together on several functions. I was there to observe as it was an open meeting. After all the interviews, the board Pres asked me what my thoghts were and I was very happy to share the one is the only family name I knew and included the volunteering. Gee guess who was elected! Now, I really do hope that one parent (well all of them would be great) would be willing to serve on our board (secretary resigned).

Trying to keep a clear head though, talk with my Dad last night and Mom is just not doing well still. I'm going to see them this weeekend just not sure what to expect.

SCottsMom, I like to just sit there with a blank face and say OKay over and over. But I'm the same way. I would have stopped at Dairy Queen and McDonalds (some mean person built them next to each other and I live tooooo close to them!) and locked myself in the basement.

Shawn, somewhere I read that in cali they are starting to teach parenting in elementary school - maybe they shoudl just have a few ret military give codes of conduct classes and the world would be a more mannerly place in which to live.

unPARENTS is what brings about the lack of manners in todays world, thats my opinion.

And of course, I forgot to cite EQ. Some parents have it, some dont, some see the value, others cant spell it, and the place to learn it, is at home at an early age.

Realize that relationships matter. Some approaches for offering constructive criticism can be applied in all cases, and in all cases success depends on the agreements that are in place - - and understood by both parties. . Also, remember that one of the most important priorities is to maintain a positive, respectful relationship with the person once the discussion has drawn to a close!

Review assumptions. Most people automatically assume that they' re right and everyone else is wrong, and it' s their mission in life to correct others! Scouting potential assumptions can help set the foundation for a more positive discussion or feedback-sharing session.

Relax and center before meeting. The better choice is, after reviewing tips like these to put the discussion in proper perspective, is to take a few minutes to relax, breathe slowly and deeply, remember our highest intentions for the meeting and for sharing our feedback.

Share intentions. Before offering criticism, check your own intentions for wanting to let someone else know what they' ve done wrong or what could be refined in their behavior or performance. This provides a good litmus test for whether the issue under critique is really a matter of preference, work style or worse, your own problem. Then preface your criticism by sharing your intentions. For example, you might say, "My intention for wanting to talk with you is that I want our group' s work to be excellent, and something we can all be proud of" or "My intention for needing to say this is that I' m feeling very frustrated that I might be getting taken advantage of here, and it' s important for me that we maintain a positive working relationship."

Clarify expectations. Murky or unvoiced expectations create problems when it' s time to provide feedback, including constructive criticism, of someone else' s behavior or performance. In addition to sharing your intentions for the discussion, you might want to share your perspective on how you understand any working agreements or your own expectations for the situation or the other person' s performance or behavior. Doing so might sound something like, "My understanding of the project is that you were going to be handling meeting logistics by Friday afternoon and forward that information to me."

Ask questions (and listen to the responses). Another great way to collect information that will help you to unveil unclear expectations, misperceptions or lack of clarity is to ask questions. The opposite, of course, is just doing all of the talking (which comes perilously close to assuming that you' re correct in your perception of the situation!). Often, as you listen to someone' s responses to questions, you have at least one "Aha!" moment that enriches your own understanding, which then allows you to provide much more constructive feedback.

Speak respectfully. Think about it: Nothing seems worse than being yelled out, scolded, or just "talked at." And all of those seem even less constructive if you feel that what' s coming at you is biased, inaccurate or unfair, and that you' ve not been offered a chance to share your perspective on the matter (and felt like someone actually listened!). In any discussion, and particularly one where you' ll be offering criticism, it' s important to listen, to ask questions, to ensure that you' ve made clear that what you' re sharing is your perspective rather than a judgment or indictment of the other person. It' s much nicer to participate in an information-sharing dialogue - - where both people get to speak and listen - - than it is to feel like your before the Inquisition!

See the positive as well as the negative. Studies show that many people feel criticized, bullied or ostracized more than appreciated at work, and a fair percentage of people leave their place of employment because of such interpersonal problems with supervisors or colleagues. One great practice is to, before your meeting where you' ll be providing feedback to coworkers (including managers or persons you supervise), is to make a list of things that you really appreciate about the individual with whom you' ll be sharing feedback.

Remember - - positive attributes only, and include at least five on your list. Then, once you' ve shared your intentions about the meeting, share the "what I really appreciate about you and your work" list before moving on to constructive criticism. You can also wrap the meeting with a recap of positive thoughts.

These are just a few of the things to consider before providing critical feedback to another person, and the tips can be "flipped" if you' re the one receiving critical feedback!

<a href="en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Constructive_criticism" target="_blank">It is the process of offering valid and well-reasoned opinions, in a friendly manner rather than an oppositional one
</a>

Constructive Criticism - Guidelines for the Critic
1. Understand why you are offering criticism. Criticism voiced out of self-interest or competition may be destructive.
2. Engage in perspective taking or role reversal.
4. Even though criticism implies evaluation, emphasize description.
5. Focus your criticism on a particular situation. "Index" and "date" your criticism, much like a "journalist": deal with who, what, where, and when.
7. Emphasize in your criticism your perceptions and feelings.
8. Invite a collaborative discussion of consequences rather than offering advice. Form a partnership to deal with problems.
9. Keep judgments tentative. Maintain an "open door" of dialogue rather than presenting your "analysis" or "explanation".
10. Present criticism in ways that allow the other party to make decisions. Do not force criticism on the other. Encourage the other to experience "ownership." People are more likely to comply with solutions that they generate.
11. Avoid critical overload. Give the other an amount of critical feedback that she or he can handle or understand at that time.
13. Include in your critical feedback a positive "outlet." Reinforce positive actions and invite the possibility of change.
14. Invite the other to present criticism of you.

Exerpts from DDForm 450002-45PLDC-1 (OOP) and US Army Family Res (OOP)

[ 10-17-2006, 04:46 PM: Message edited by: Shawn ]

What was Tims response to one of my questions, if? 'Walmart treated me like taht I'd stop buying their'

I dont know if its just lack of knowledge and manners with pur society these days, You Earn Respect You Dont Demand it or Demean it (Someone Else's)

More people skills in school (like we ned to add more topics to cover)

I'd right her a letter explaing 'constructive critism vs critism' or how to run a debreifing, I'll havta see if &lt;cut&paste&gt; has some stuff lying around

I should have attached this one:

Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer. Dalai Lama

And, fortuntaly youre not on payroll and dont have to keep on doing what your doing as youve been doing it, and have lots of flexibility, moreso than say a staff person that might have gotten the same treatment.
What IS a volunteer to do, when staff treats you like that? The person who caused your problem is not part of the solution, they are part of the problem,or, they ARE the problem.
Have another donut, definitly. cant hurt.