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pto exclusionary/bullies

11 years 5 months ago #163714 by Not Good!
Replied by Not Good! on topic Re:pto exclusionary/bullies
This is a big problem and here is why:

Reality is perception. If even one family feels the way you suggest (outcast, not part of the clique, not welcome to contribute to the community) they need to know. because one family feeling as though they do not belong is failure, no matter what the bank account says.

The only way to stop a bully of any kind is to hold them accountable.

At the next meeting, perhaps several of you can raise the concerns?
Simply share the facts.

We are all parents and want to help.
We don't seem welcome to help.
It seems your own family members are chosen as volunteers more than parents of children who attend school here.
We have a right to be part of the decision making process.
We think the board needs to be extended to include the following 12 seats.
We move to amend the bylaws tonight so we can all support the children.
Its a big school with plenty to do.

Even though it sounds like they have done a great job sort of on their own....imagine how much better they could do with 10 or 12 more willing and able volunteers!

If you can approach it with a few others who feel the same way, you will progress.

Good Luck!
11 years 5 months ago #163713 by Lisa S.
Replied by Lisa S. on topic Re:pto exclusionary/bullies
When I moved into our area a few years ago, I was warned that our PTO was the same way. I went to the meetings anyway...each one and I was the only non-Board parent. It turned out to be quite the opposite. Go to the meetings, insist on being heard, as Rose C. suggested, volunteer for something specific that is in need of parent involvement. By the way, I'm moving on to my second year as president. You really never know. Good luck!
11 years 5 months ago #163710 by Rose H
Replied by Rose H on topic Re:pto exclusionary/bullies
Hi Moved and Shaken,

Take heart - you are certainly not the first to feel this way. Noticed you said people can't really volunteer unless they "kiss up.'' Maybe a different tactic would be to find a particular volunteer job that you know needs to be filled and offer to do it, in other words, offer to help in a specific, concrete way. Also, is there a project you want to do? Can you get a few friends together and present it to the board as something you would like to do on behalf of the PTO? If you don't need money and it doesn't interfere with stuff they already have on the schedule, it would be hard for them to say no. How about a community service project, something simple like collecting items for a local food pantry?

There are times -- and we aren't saying it is the case here -- when the board appears to be a clique when they really aren't. Instead, they are just used to doing things a certain way and have done it that way for a while. No question, it is hard to break in and we feel for you. But, if you try different tactics you might find they will accept and then welcome your help.

Having said this, it's important to remember that this is as much your PTO as it is theirs. If these efforts don't work, how willing are you to up the ante? You can bring your complaints to the principal, or publicly address them at a meeting to get the board to hear what you are saying. They have a big responsibility here to change the clique perception.

Here are a few articles that could be helpful:

How To Deal with Difficult People: www.ptotoday.com/pto-today-articles/arti...ith-difficult-people

Is Your PTO a Clique? www.ptotoday.com/pto-today-articles/arti...is-your-pto-a-clique


The Truth About Cliques:http://www.ptotoday.com/pto-today-articles/article/380-the-truth-about-cliques


Good luck,
Rose C.
11 years 5 months ago #163702 by Moved and shaken
pto exclusionary/bullies was created by Moved and shaken
What if anything can be done to address a PTO that has turned into a small power base of 2-3 who raise lots of money and effectively discourage outside participation in anything? They are in close cahoots with the principal and have a large bank balance from all the aggressive fundraising they do, but cut way down on funding of field trips and keep vaguely promising they will do something for the school which has the lowest tax base in the area. other parents have tried to get involved but they are always excluded from decisions or even volunteer opportunities, unless they kiss up enough. the pto bullies simply bring in their family members to work events, turn away others, and feast on all the free donated food, stuffing their refrigerators with leftovers. they pretend to "welcome" all views and indeed they will listen, before deciding how to knock down any alternate views. it's a pretty good self serving system they have in place. many families in the school do not even speak English so it's not like they have to answer to many challenges. the few that did were effectively silenced. any ideas for what can be done?
signed,
never a mover and a shaker
more the moved and shaken
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