Denver has a lot of good ideas--but I'm thinking that Luvs face to face is a softer gentler approach. If you are too formal about this, then you've raised the stakes pretty high (especially if you cc others then you've taken it out of a personal interaction and created a more formal complaint). Cindy those of us on these boards know how much you've worked for your group. You are on absolutely firm ground to just let the woman know that you find her negative thoughts not only hurtfull to you but disruptive to the group and as one person has posted on these boards, say something like "I'm sure that can't be your intent".

It's amazing how shining lights on bad behaviors make people own up to them or at least see them how they are seen by others.

Good luck
d (the other one)

I feel for you. I went through this many times and it seemed like it was always one particular parent that caused all the turmoil.

I personally....and it's only my opinion.... would take it up in writing. not an official letter....but via email. this way.... you have proof of your words so that nothing can be construed. If you don't want to confront this person face to face.... just start with writing in a word document your feelings, perceptions, concerns, etc...

sometimes when you see your own words down on "paper", you can think more clearly or phrase your words and thoughts more concisely.

when you confront a person face to face.... you risk your words not coming out right, the tone of your voice being misinterpreted and you risk pissing her off....which may not always be a bad thing.

you must however have FACTS. people need facts and examples of what they are doing right or wrong. this way, they can see how things might have been misunderstood or misinterpreted.

when you send the email, make sure you CC your Pres. talk with your Pres first and see if she/he is ok with you voicing your concerns with this parent.

start off positive.... then go into FACTUAL details, give examples and the interpreted outcome of her actions...then always end on a positive note. For example...

"we love your enthusiasm and we are grateful for your involvement with our school and our kids...."

then go into.... "however.... our PTO is a great dynamic of equally passionate parents that work extremely hard. We all have our strengths and rely on each others talents to ensure every PTO event/activity/decision we make is of the best interest to the school and our kids."

"sometimes things might get misinterpreted when you say.... or when you question the decision a PTO Board makes"

"everyone has worked extremely hard or has dedicated a lot of time for this event...."

"we appreciate your ideas and suggestions that you might have so that we can work together to reach a successful event...."

then again.... go into a positive closing:

"again, thank you for your enthusiasm and dedication to our kids. I know parents that are as passionate and involved as you can be a great example for others to follow your lead..."


you must also be willing and ready to defend your Board and their actions, their work and their results or successes or not...

say.... "(Name) has worked extremely hard on this and we as a Board respect the decisions she has made for this fundraiser..."

also in closing.... offer an opportunity to discuss anything further or see if there is a way where everyone can communicate effectively and work productively in order to have a successful outcome.

also remind that after all, we are all volunteers doing the best we can for our kids. It's always about the kids, not about the parents.

so basically.... you kill them with kindness.

1. you thank them for their involvement because no one wants to be turned away.
2. you factually point out some of your concerns
3. hopefully, you/she can see how sometimes her actions may be perceived in such a manner
4. you stay united as a PTO Board with your decisions and the hard work you put in to it.
5. you stay positive that she can be an active member of your PTO parent community but she cannot bulldoze her way through anything/anyone
6. you leave the door open to her involvement by thanking her again and commending her for her dedication to the kids.
7. you have taken the higher road and have not had to resort to running any parent over in the school parking lot! LOL


I have gone through a few battles and when you put it in an email and CC people.... it means you have NOTHING to hide. it's not her word against yours.

good luck, tell us the outcome.

d

I completely agree with LUVMYKIDS. I have the unfortunate personality trait of being very forward and at times aggressive though causing turmoil with other people by saying negatives has not been in my gene pool.

I personally have found the best medicine for you is to address the person directly. Everyone has an opinion-but that's just it-an opinion. Your integrity and character stands for itself. You obviously don't need to justify yourself. Being the president for 3 years speaks volumes!

Take Care,

Lisa

I had something very, very similar to this happen to me a few years ago. I went right to the person and calmly told them that their negative words had deeply hurt my feelings and that I had worked very hard to try to make our school a better place, and that I'd be the first to admit that I'm not perfect, but felt that their comments were unneccesary. It certainly helped me feel better and it opened the other person's eyes as to how their attempt at telling the group all it was doing wrong deeply insulted me. I was just honest about how I felt. It all worked out, the negativity stopped, we worked well together the next year and still are quite friendly. If the person in your case is like the one in mine, they want the same things you do-a great school for your kids, but they have chosen the wrong way to offer their help. Try talking to her on your own first, if she doesn't seem to "get it", then ask the Prez to talk with her. Let us know what happens.

I am really at my wits end with one of our parents. I have no clue how to handle this.
I have been the president for the past 3 years and this year I decided to step down and take a break, but I stayed on as an alternate. We have this one parent who comes to every meeting with all these great ideas but she is just so pushy about it that it turns people off. (she doesnt see this though)
She is now an alternate officer too we just had our planning meeting last week. We set all our dates for our events, fundraisers, meetings, etc. Now she doesn't say anything at the meeting or ask questions how things are run Nothing. She sees one of the other fellow officers tells them how we don't know what we are doing that I haven't been runing the PTO right etc. that I don't get feedback from parents, that I don't discuss things enough at the PTO meetings, that we should be voting on more things, all this stuff.
Now this isn't the first time she has done this. She is really causing a rift and hard feelings with the new officers because she keeps doing this.

First I don't think she realizes how much she has hurt my feelings and how hard I have worked these past few years. She didn't see what it was like before me her children are only in kdg.
Do I approach her just me or with the new president, do I say something to the principal that this needs to be worked out so this isn't a never ending issue. I am really at a standstill or do nothing at all.

Most of all I feel so badly for my girlfriend who has taken on the role of president and is having to deal with this.