Before we officially became a PTO we were a Community Club and we did donate to the community. However, now that we are 501(c)(3) our bylaws state that the money is for educational and recreational enrichment (or something to that effect).
I think now there are a few parents who are trying to start a "community" collection for this kind of thing. I think they are going to try to raise money via the toner cartridge programs or something. THe money, however, will not go into PTO bank account and who ever is starting the "community" collection will have to make it obvious that the PTO is not directing this and exactly what the funds will be used for.
We would only have to look at the bylaws since ours clearly states that all money raised by the PTO goes back into the school for educational enrichment. I would think that most PTO's do not make "charitable donations" like you mentioned, even to families of the school.
if a pto member comes to a meeting asking for the pto to donate money to someone in the town that has no kids in the school because something has happened to them do we discuss it at that meeting, or do the board members only vote on it.