How about this...

You have a group of people that were the only ones to ever volunteer for the PTO. A new group comes in and decides they're going to "change" things. They start calling the old group a clique. Now, the old group of people didn't even know each other. They saw each other once a month at a meeting, didn't really talk to each other at meetings, after the meetings or any other time. Now they're a "clique" because they happened to be in a group with a common interest?

Of course, now that group of people HAS pretty much become a clique, because they felt they had to band together to defend themselves.

AND, wouldn't the same group of people that called that OLD group a clique also be a clique?

Cliques. The definition will depend on who you ask. Webster's Pocket Dictionary defines it as "a small and exclusive group of people", but it is most often defined as a group that doesn't take easy to newcomers. A group that believes it is above others. A group of friends or allies. I personally have seen it from several different views. My first PTO meeting was a horrible experience because I wasn't part of the group. But how could I be? It was my first meeting. Looking back, I think most of what I then called a clique was just a group of women who worked well together, whose ideas on what to do and how to get it done were very similar. The hard part was that I had ideas too. I would no sooner give an idea than it would be shot down. "We've tried that and it doesn't work" or "We've done it this way for a long time and it works best" were two of the responses I got often. Over the course of the next year, I proved myself to be a hard worker and went along with most of the programs without complaint. I knew my day was coming. I was always just on the outside of the clique, close enough to be put to work, but not close enough to have ideas considered. One thing I swore to myself was that when I was prez, there would be no cliques where all the decisions were made ahead of time! Everyone would have a fair shot at having an idea put to use. When I became prez, I stuck to my promise. I would like to say that this killed the cliques, but it didn't. Instead of having officers in a clique, I found that a small clique was formed because there was no officer's clique! One officer felt that enough of her ideas weren't being used. Since I wouldn't override the general vote, she formed her own little 'alliance', a clique that included others who didn't think their ideas were used enough. OMG! It was like a little mutiny! Well, needless to say, I didn't get a second term. I sucked at politics almost as bad as I sucked at cliques...lol. Now there is once again an officer's clique. It includes one or two non-officer members, but they let everyone think they are making the decisions, when the decisions have already been made. Everyone seems very happy in their world. Except, of course, any new members whose ideas are shot down just as fast as they can present them. Of course, the story doesn't stop there, but I must...lol... My final words on cliques? They suck UNLESS:
You are in one
Willing to go along with one
You have no idea of what the word 'Fair' means
You don't care about other people's feelings

I'm not saying all 'small exclusive groups' are cliques. In my opinion, a group becomes a clique when you add politics and power, or want of power.

But that is just my humble opinion.

Sometimes friends may appear to be a clique when they are just people who do a lot together or are thrown together because of their employer, their interests, etc... With that said, I have a couple of suggestions. For our committee chairs, we try to team up a new parent with a seasoned parent. It has been a great way to get new ideas mixed with old traditions and new friendships are made along the way. This works especially well with Homeroom Parents which is a good position for new parents as they get to interact with all the parents doing this job. We also use "cliques" to work for us...if we need a committee to do something, why not ask an existing group who already know each other and work well together. Who doesn't like to work with your friends?!

Good luck with your article! Tina :cool:

Cliques in PTO. . . . you MUST be kidding. I have never heard of such a thing!

Just kidding, it is probably the biggest problem that PTO's experience. Whether they truly exist or not - those who aren't involved use it as an excuse for not getting involved. I am not saying they don't exist - they do, and they are a problem, but it is also a very common excuse thrown out by those who choose not to be involved. They think it's the easy way out. It's even one of MetzyMom's "top ten reasons for not joining" - "I don't know you" and her reply? "We don't know you either but we'd sure like to get to know you."

Seriously though - as a brand new school, we anticipated this problem and we seem to have overcome it so far by being as visible as possible at every school function. We worked it out with the principal that we are able to be on-site at all events and we get a few minutes to talk at each event, also. Each grade level music function, each staff meeting, each open house, etc. In order to avoid the "it's the same people all the time" thing - we send a different person every time. Folks don't see the same face over and over and quickly realized that hey, a lot of people really do get involved, maybe I should find out what I've been missing. It's working so far!

Good luck with the article and let me know if there are any other questions I can answer.

Cathie

I'm writing a story for PTO Today magazine about cliques -- how they affect parent groups and how to eliminate them.
I'd love to hear from PTO members who've faced this issue. And I'd love to hear from people who've figured out ways to minimize cliques in their group.
Please reply to This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it..
Thanks for your help!