I am sorry to hear you are having a rough time with some families.

If you must have the meeting at that time, make it clear that there will be a meeting before the performance and if they do not want to be involved they should not be in the room. Then they will get crappy seats because they couldn't keep their mouths shut.

Second suggestion, can you not have a "formal" meeting but perhaps an update and volunteer sign up sheet? The only people that really care about the meeting will show up on another day that is not as chaotic as a performance.

Good luck.

You've written a very thoughtful description of the issue; I can easily picture the situation and feel your frustration.

It's unfortunate that the administration felt that pairing the PTO's general membership business meeting with a student performance was an acceptable solution to the attendance issue. In so long as the general membership meeting is held prior to a performance, two "fatal flaws" exist which will ensure that the meeting results in the future will be the same as the last two years:

1) Parents are there because they want to see their child perform. They are not in that place at that time in order to participate in a PTO business meeting. Their behavior is a rebellion against being "held captive" to subject matter in which they hold zero interest (at least at that time in that place).

2) No business meeting is going to be productive with small children present. Even if the little ones aren't running around, the parents are going to constantly be distracted from the business at hand in order to attend to their child(ren)'s needs.

You are right to feel that being hard-handed would be counter-productive given the improvements the PTO is attempting to create. Handing out "behavior guidelines" would not be effective for the reasons noted above and because, in that setting, people just aren't going to take the time to read the documents (no matter how straight forward) or adhere to them.

While holding the meeting in conjunction with a performance has certainly solved the attendance isssue, productivity has been sacrificed. Your group would be further ahead with less attendance but more participation from those present.

Given that the attempt has been made with less than satisfactory results for two years running and that the meeting date/time was a request rather than a requirement, I suggest that your PTO formally decline to hold your general membership meetings prior to a performance.

If it's any consolation, there are plenty of people who talk right through performances too....and don't wait until the intermission to come and go from their seats...and bring in food/drinks....and attend when they're sick.....and yell out when they see their child on stage, etc. The decline in performance etiquette is incredibly aggravating.

Last year we had our first "general membership meeting" before a grade level performance. Having a meeting before a program was something that we had not done in 6 or so years. We had a change in administration and it was requested that the PTO hold their meetings in conjunction with events to help improve member attendance, which has always been an issue.

This meeting/performance had to be moved twice due to snow, so by the time it finally happened I think we all just wanted it done. The entire meeting lasted under 8 minutes. That meeting was not as productive as I felt it could be. The families had to be asked several times to stop talking so the meeting could start. Once the meeting started a majority of the parents sat and talked through it (some of them loudly) and some of the parents let their kids roam all over the gym playing on assorted items, which was a distraction to the meeting and the items weren't "playground" items anyhow so it was dangerous. To top it off I was actually cussed at (which could only be heard by those on the front row) when the meeting was adjourned into the performance. Needless to say it was not a positive experience but the hope was it was a fluke due to having moved it so many times, etc.

Unfortunately it wasn't a fluke....

Last night we held our annual Open House. Knowing the difficulties last year we made some changes to help to over come them. The time included a raffle (for some fun), the microphone system was arranged differently, more chairs were set up, etc. Board member had also been encouraged to mill through the crowd, greet people, etc.

While those changes had some positive impact it did not help with the "rudeness" factor at times. Once again several parents were having loud side conversations during the meeting, I had to call the meeting to order 3 different times before I was finally heard, kids running and playing about, little to no response when responses were needed, etc. This happened not only to me during the meeting but also to the Principal during her part following the meeting. So, overall it was basically another rough experience. (Although I wasn't cussed at this time so I do consider it a minor success!)

I made a point of trying to thank the parents that were paying attention and participating in the meeting when it finished. I also had several parents stop me after the meeting and comment on the rudeness of people talking, kids playing, etc.

I feel somewhat stuck at the moment and not sure how to change this pattern. While, as moderator (and yes, I have experience at moderating so that at least helps a bit!) I know I can call the meeting down, if need be, due to the disruption. However our PTO is in a state of growth and transition at the moment and growing and changing in many positive way so being hard handed (which is what I think it would take) by asking people to leave would be counter productive.

That being said, I don't want the ones who are truly interested to stop showing up for the meeting portion because of the rudeness of others either.

We have spent a great deal of time last year and starting this year trying to make the PTO more open (it had a "cliquish" feel for a few years), more inviting, more fun, more encouraging, more supportive, etc. We are making headway, I can easily track that, if nothing else with the fact we have a full board AND several committees with members, which hasn't happened in several years! We are on the right track.

So, short of being firm at the next meeting (which is once again before a grade performance) and by default turning members off due to the impression that may make, how else can this be approached?

One person suggested that I not deal with it, as it is the Principal's job to do so. While I agree with that to an extent I also feel that is isn't fully her job. Plus, people were as rude to her as to me, so I have doubts as to the impact that would truly have. And at the end of the day, she has to work with the parents in a different capacity than I do. If they are going to be upset with someone for calling the behavior out I can handle it being me if that will resolve the issue at hand.

Some of the other ideas I have mentally tossed around today include:

1. Next newsletter writing an article about WHY general meetings are important, explain a bit about the Robert's Rule process we use, and give a list of "HELP" points for a smooth meeting, including sitting, listening, not letting children roam, etc.
2. Handing out an "etiquette" sheet with the reports to be reviewed at the next meeting and also at the door to encourage the type of behavior that should be used.
3. Explaining during the start of the meeting what the etiquette for the meeting is.
4. Halting the next meeting entirely until the room quiets down. (But, we could be there ALL night with this option I'm afraid.)

I am honestly not sure how effective most of those options would be though or if it would accomplish the goal. The one HUGE advantage I see is at least those who have commented on the rudeness will see that there is being an attempt to correct the situation if possible and hopefully will be encouraged to keep attending.

I am trying to find a way to turn this behavior around into a positive experience if at all possible for future meetings.

Has anyone else experienced this type of situation? If so how did you handle it? What positives came out of it? What negatives? How would you have handled it differently in hind sight? Any additional thoughts or comments?

On a personal note... I have to say I have been VERY surprised at how rude people are anymore in group meeting settings. I would NEVER dream of doing what many of these people are doing. My mom would ground me, even at my age, if I displayed that type of behavior and without a doubt my children would be sent to their rooms for it as well!