I think so many of us agree that communication with parents is absolutely key. Not just communication about what's going wrong but routine, fun, uplifting communication about what is going right. Little stories about the school environment or successful aspects of your program. There is also the debate as to whether you entertain "issues" as they relate to the school or if you find your organization to be more beneficial if you are a morale oriented, positive involvement group. I think one of the hard things when a PTO becomes an advocacy group is that you cannot represent all of the parents positions. That in turn causes you to have meetings where you debate issues, create friction (an obvious by product) and get bogged down in policy. I do think that parents should become involved in those issues and have championed some of them in our county, but NOT as the PTO President, as a concerned parent with a definiate stance on a policy. Regardless of your decision on which role to assume, if your group is not fun people just won't be interested.
Have goals for your group and your children but don't have an agenda. There are great kids in the gifted program and great kids in the special needs programs. You have to be the gelling factor between those groups of parents. We run a book club and chess club for our children that feel up to that sort of rigorous stimulation, but we also have a Dreamcatchers Day that focuses ONLY on our special needs children providing an amazing day of activities for just them since they often cannot enjoy our other events to the fullest. We also do a PTO Spirit Award. No big deal, we stand up in front of the parents at the award ceremony and recognize children who do their very best every single day. Sometimes those are children on the honor roll and sometimes they are children that struggle nightly with their homework. This little bit of recognition makes working hard a little bit easier. The award is two bobcat bucks for our school store and the children go absolutely crazy for it.
You and your board need to get out there and meet and greet people like they were long lost friends. Put yourself out there shaking hands, talking to folks you haven't met and introducing youself around. If your not that kind of person, become that kind of person because if you don't reach out to them they won't want to reach back.
Start an email distribution to keep all the parents on the same sheet of music but make them fun. Share some personal stories. I sent an email recently entitled "13 Days" and relayed to the 350 subscribers how it took my kindergartener exactly 13 days to get sent to the principals office. I wasn't proud of that but just showing that side of my family and having the ability to show how human I was caused at least a dozen people to come up to me and thank me. Who cares if folks know you're not perfect.
THANK PEOPLE ALL THE TIME. This is a selfless business and if you are it with an agenda or need for personal gratification from others, time to find another volunteer position. Don't get me wrong, those things will happen, but if you focus on kudos as your fuel you will be disappointed.
Finally, smile...a lot. You probably care more about what you are doing than most parents do right now. They are not used to having you as a part of their community and frankly they have a lot of communities to choose from (work, church, neighborhoods) so you have to smile, wiggle into their reality and do things that the kids RAVE about so that the focus is on THEM and not the parent that didn't like the mac and cheese at the pot luck.
You guys can do this--providing leadership for a group sometimes starts as a lonely hike in the woods but pretty soon the trail you're blazing will get filled up with folks that want to follow you out of pure curiosity
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Good luck-but remember the harder you work, the luckier you'll get.
d