I have a similar problem with our principal !!!!
I have been in the PTO for 8 years straight, and was voted in as President in May 2007. Our principal is not young- she has children in college. She is on a power struggle right now with the PTO board. She is there as an Adivisory counsel only. I posted " Fundraising Mess " on the message board in order to get some feedback which is helpful to us. Our principal has taken to make all the board member's lives horrible. We are not rolling over and playing dead, we will fight her to the end. We had a volunteer group that would make copies for teachers when they needed help. She told the teachers that she got rid of that program and they will have to find someone on their own to do this if they wanted additional assistance. Our secretary volunteered when called by her daughter' s teacher. When the principal found out that she was doing this- she sent an e-mail out to all the teachers that if they have someone to copy for them - it was only to be done between 9-11 am Monday through Friday ( she knew that this mom was not available that early in the day). In order to get members to come to the meetings- we would let them bring their kids- who would play in the gym with other kids- they loved it- principal agreed to it- we have done for years. Last month the principal decided that she did not want kids in the gym anymore ( after about 3-4 years). We had an issue of our "magic show " . For selling the minimum 5 tubs of cookie dough a prize that was paid for by the cookie dough company .The principal has decided ( some of her "favorites" did not meet the goal ), that she will not let the magic show come to " her " school unless everyone can go- even if they did not sell anything. My cookie dough guy was so upset over all the trouble that she has caused with this fundraiser, and the PTO board is all up in arms over this mess. I understand your problem and can sympathize with you.....I hope that things work out for you. We are meeting as a board to discuss our next move with her and what we are planning to do for the rest of the year when she pulls the rug out from under us after everything that we do. Good luck- and don't give in and quit - stick with it.

I truly believe that if the principal has a problem with you personally; then you and your PTO have the problem. While she cannot dissolve you, she can make your ineffectual at the school and with the children (as you are seeing). I suspect if you feelings about her are as you write about here--she knows that and frankly if you were talking about me; I'd have a hard time hugging up to you too. The onus is on you to make this work. If she is immature, you be the mature one. Chit chatting about her is not going to do that for you. You have to be able to establish yourself in a way that causes her to not be threatened by your presence, enjoy your interactions together, and be focused on working toward goals for the children. But make no mistake--this is her school and she holds trump (unless you have some board of regents that you can appeal to--that you think would support you to the point of dismissing her....because short of that there doesn't seem to be much room for cooperation in your post).
I'm not saying you're wrong in your perceptions, but I am saying that you need to figure out a way to make it work because frankly she doesn't have to. As to fundraisers, I would think your goals for dollars would be aligned. If she has priorities that are best for the school, why aren't your priorities similar? There's lots of ways to cut this up--but you have to be the one to ensure that she opens the door to your participation.
I just don't see how you can be successful without her...and she needs to understand how much MORE successful she can be with you. But honestly naabs, you need to come to this with a willing spirit and an open mind to make it work. Or it really won't.
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It is funny how I wish I had a principal and then I read things like this, our school is at principal number six in three years and the search begins again! Yet I try to keep my head up and work with them, but it is getting tough and tiring changing names all the time.

go into her office with a piece of clean slate and ask if you guys can start with one...it might just work. Put history aside and understand that she has the final say as it is her school now. good luck!

If your PTO is fully organized with your state, she cannot dissolve the PTO. It is not her organization. She can request from the board of education that the PTO not have access or involvement in her school, but since board of education members are usually voted in by the community, I doubt they would let her do that. So, she is just blowing wind when she says she can dissolve the PTO.
Second, if she is not an executive board member and acting solely as the Principal of the School, she should not be doing anything on behalf of the PTO. You should have bylaws that clearly state that all plans must be approved by the PTO Executive Board or by a vote of the PTO membership. Therefore, her fundraisers would be school run and have nothing to do with the income of the PTO. However, since this would interfere with your ability to fundraise and obtain the needed funds for your annual plans, you need to do something to clear the air.
Make an appointment with her during school hours and clearly state that bylaws of the PTO must be followed and since her fundraising was for the school, it has prohibited the PTO from fundraising to meet the expected budgeted income. Inform her that the PTO may not be able to support the school as previously planned due to this and going forward, you would like to see the school and PTO coordinate their plans well in advance to avoid a situation such as this.
If the conversation with her doesn't do a thing, make an appointment with her boss.

I have a major problem with our school's orincipal. our school is a private school with not more than 250 students and this principal got hired although she is not fully qualified as yet but is working her way there (academically)anyways, the problem is that we never got along before and i know she doesnt want me as the PTO president. She is, in my opinion, still very immature, she is so jr. high schoolish, she has her clique of friends and brings them in on everything in the school even though they do not have kids in the school. She is extremely rude towards the exec. officers she does not like (including me) she expects everything to go through her, micro-managing always, she is doing so many events and fundraisers herself and whatever idea we come up with we find out that she already has a similar idea, so why dont we just help them...i dont mind that, but there are things I would like to do or raise money for, after all if we are going to help financially, we need the funds.

Anyway I am so frustrated, there is the threat there that if principal wants she can dissolve the PTO...i am at the point that i dont care, i am not giving up, i will continue to try, but i know that i will not be able to keep my cool, if she is rude towards me even one more time, so for now i am staying away from her, but i am determined that i will not let her get what she wants which is for me to give up. But i am so frustrated and down, everything i do is for my kids and i want to be involved in their school, and i have so many great ideas, but she is just unbearable. the board's president is a bit responsive and he did talk to her, but it only was better for one day, but i have bitten my tongue and let my pride get bruised only because i did nto want to cause a scene, and because i want to be able to respond with silence and by ignoring her, and in a more dignified and professional manner, but i dont know how long i can last.

Any ideas, suggestions, or anything is welcomed...