our board appoints all committee chairs. its in our bylaws.

as for staff matters/gripes from parents, these should all be directed to the prinicipal, and whenever she brings it up at a meetign, she should be told that, that should end the discussion right there if you have good meeting leadership/management. and if the principal is at the meeting, as he is at all ours, he can concur and invite her to see him to discuss outside of parent group matters.

what any parent might rant and rumors about in private to other parents, is just life and nothing you can do about it but dont listen if she talks to you.

the best way to end schoolyard gossip is to not take part/listen to it but politely say you dont want to hear it and walk away.

NH,

Well, the way I handle business is that I first give the option of chairing an event to the person who did it the previous year. This really makes sense if you think about it. The person has experience, often came up with the idea, and has all of the information needed to do it again. If they wish to chair it again it is effectively a "done deal". If there are others who want to step up they can join the committee and help out as the chair feels they are needed...

This is how I would handle things with "Jane". At the next meeting I would put the event on the Agenda and discuss the generalities of it. Explain how the event was great last year and that you had numerous parents come up and provide supportive comments. Then ask Jane in this open forum if she would like to chair it again next year. I would mention it to her before hand. Since it is a Spring event you don't need to define a committee yet, but explain that at the next meeing, or at the October meeting a committee will be formed.

For "Mary" the situation is difficult. She seems like a very active member, who just needs to be reigned in a lot. Not sure if she chaired all of these events last year, but if not you can use the same approach I suggested for the Spring event (giving the option to chairing to who did it last year). Another option that I would use is to approach specific members and ask if they are interested in chairing certain events. Let them know when you'll be bringing it up at the meeting and you can kind of cut Mary off before she jumps up. Say you talk to one member who is willing to chair the Holiday Shoppe (I'll call her Deb). At the meeting have the Holiday Shoppe on the agenda and you can start off the discussion with, "The Holiday Shoppe will be running the week of December 11th. For those who do not know the Holiday Shoppe is a yadda, yadda, yadda. Deb, you approached me about chairing the event? How many volunteers do you believe that you will need?"

This way you prevent the overzelous Mary from jumping up. No one is really going to complain about this, other than possibly Mary. And anyone who wants to help can be on the committee.

I agree with CrewChief regarding the alleged teacher grievance. If she brings it up, cut her off with "that is a school issue that should be discussed privately with the Principal!". Done!

Hope this helps.

PresidentJim

Hi NH. It's OK that you posted here. Folks will still see it and share whatever they can.

What, if anything, do your bylaws say about chairmen, how they're appointed and what role they play in the PTO? For example, I worked on a team who's bylaws said:

The President shall appoint all committees and shall designate a chairman of such committees subject to Board approval.

This basically says the president can pick whomever they choose but then the board has to approve the appointment. If the board says no, the president offers up another candidate and continues to do so until the board is in agreement with the appointment.

This particular group had an unwritten policy of offering next year's position to the current chairman. It wasn't, however, mandatory. A person could also seek a chairman position by asking the president for it. However, no person, ever, could demand the chairman role.

As for how "Mary" should be approached, I agree that it should start with you meeting with her. A non confrontational meeting to discuss the chairman position is a good first step. Simply say, "Jane ran the committee last year and did a wonderful job. She would like to run it again this year and the board has agreed to keep her in that position." If she continues to demand the position, then set up a meeting with her and all of your board members. Let her know that you recognize Jane as the committee chair. Then, perhaps, in the spirit of teamwork and inclusiveness, offer something else to her.

Finally, regarding the grievance she has with the teacher, don't let it get discussed. The only place she should even be able to present the topic is under New Business. As soon as she does, say that it is not a PTO issue. Then move on to the next New Business or agenda item. It really is as simple as that.

I need some advice as our bylaws don't cover this particular situation. We have a PTO member, I'll call Mary, who is causing problems at meetings and outside of them. It has become necessary for me to speak to Mary(I am President of the PTO) along with the principal of our school and I am unsure what approach to take. There are many parents, who refuse to work with Mary and she continues to volunteer to chair events. Mary has told another mother, Jane, I'll call her, who volunteered to chair an event that she is going to chair it and Jane has since stepped aside, rather than argue with her. The event isn't until the Spring, so I have time to remedy that, but what are my options? Jane chaired this event last school year and did a great job. Mary chaired it 2 years ago and it was a disaster. Is it reasonable to say to Mary that Jane will be handling the event, because she offered first or should we take a vote at our next meeting by way of secret ballot? Is that even an option?

I am at my wit's end because this is just one example of how Mary operates. She is currently ranting to anyone who will listen about one of the teachers. She is insisting that a veteran teacher at our school has handed out personal info to another parent so that they could get birthday invites out. She wants the backing of the PTO, which she can't have because there is a section about grievances in our bylaws and faculty grievances are not our territory (thankfully)...but we all feel confident she will still try to raise the subject at our next meeting.

How do you tell a volunteer that they are rubbing people the wrong way or ask them to step aside? I have been asked to deal with her by PTO members and other board members because no one wants to listen to her rants or deal with her. I don't want her turning people away from our PTO...it's a great group of people and we all work way too hard to have one person sour so many others. Does she have rights that I should be aware of?

I'll be grateful for any advice...and if you can relate to this scenario, you have my heartfelt sympathy

Signed,
Desperate to do the Right Thing