I have to wonder how they must treat each other in person if they can sling these virtual arrows at each other here.
It's unfortunate that these folks are letting the argument and the need to win overshadow the purpose of their group.
I've seen people I know ~good, kind, smart people~ get sucked into these types of debates. Once things turn personal, it's hard to let it go. Throw in some chat room muscles and fake anonymity and all sense of fair play disappears.
It's oh so hard to do but I've found a way that works for me. Once someone has decided they're offended (when, how, by whom, etc. is irrelevant) they want to heard. And heard until they're done talking, not until you're done listening. I force myself to remain neutral in that no matter what is said I won't take it personally. I let them talk and talk and talk until they've said absolutely everything they have to say. Then I repeat the main points of what I've heard, say that I understand that they've been offended, misunderstood, slighted, etc. If it's a PTO problem and/or I can do something about it, I do. If not, I offer some more empathy and what I hope are constructive suggestions for moving forward.
Nobody likes to be dismissed or be made to feel like they're being silly, petty, bothersome or unworthy. Maybe they are behaving in a way that doesn't serve them and makes it very, very hard to be nice to them. That's where leadership comes in. It's easy to be kind to people who are nice to you, friendly to friendly people, gracious to folks who are complimenting you. It's the other end of the spectrum that needs as much kindness, friendliness and grace.
Thank you, pals, for saying "enough is enough". I hope the folks reading these posts take your words to heart and start working together to make their school great for the kids.
Here are some rules I wrote for myself a long time ago, items 3 and 6 being relevant to this situation. I've posted them before but maybe some of the newer members haven't seen them....
1. Never, ever send an email message/pick up the phone/confront someone while angry. You will always regret it.
2. PTO work is, and should be, important to you. For everyone else, it's nowhere near the top of the list. Don't take it personally.
3. Managing volunteers is like nothing else. How you say things is always more meaningful than what you say.
4. Use an objective third party whenever possible. We work in a bubble. Things often make sense to us because we know the back story. Running things by someone who is out of the loop is the best way to catch potential problems.
5. Always have a back up plan. Meetings won't always have a quorum, items will often not make the newsletter, volunteers will forget about or disregard commitments they've made, misunderstandings will happen.
6. At the end of the day, we are all still friends. This is a small community. Everyone knows everyone. Our kids all play together. The people on all sides of every issue think they have the best interest of the parents/kids/school/town in mind. The people are always more important than the issue. The trick is to find a win, win, win solution.