Hi CIA....from a been there, survived that view; I'm hoping that I am feeling the support of the Principal here? If so, this is what I have learned to do...
We have compaint proceedures in out school's handbook and in the school district handbook that we as parents recieve at the begining of the year. I ask if they have following the proper steps (none of ours include the PTO )but then I ask if they were hoping to see and talk to someone tonight....almost in a more polite way, "what do you want me to do or what is it you expect from the PTO?" Remind the parent of the agenda set forth and at the end (about an hour) we can discuss your issue but you need to understand we can listen but we have "no power" to really help.
This either really boils them or they understand and take a breathe....okay more boiling than breathing.
If this is something I anticipate (not all rumor mills are all bad!!HAHAHA) I ask for a PRincipal to be present to help OR in really bad situation we have the most awesome DARE resource officer that has helped us out and I pay him in fresh baked cookies and Starbucks! I take it you don't have a dean of students or disapline staff....these would be great guests to have to a meeting too.
The key here is she is using your time to air out her issues and in the process turning away valued members. I have learned to use the resorces around me and not let this become a PTO issue more than it ever should have been. Please understand this has taken years for me to not want to fix it myself or think that I could....last month we had a group of parents come in during a PTO meeting upset and had no respect for the ongoing PTO meeting. I went back to see who could help me and a knight and shining armor AKA athelicdirctor came to our rescue! I may be 5-8 and a "big gal" but words hurt more.
+moral to this long post...call in some support and help!
We have the same problem at our meetings with talk about the children's behavior but it isn't a parent its the principal. The principal wants the parents to stay outside and police the school in the front and in the building. The parents feel put upon by this. The discussion came up a few times and refused. Now the principal doesn't come to the meetings.
Another idea to possible consider is installing a moderator as an officer who will run your meetings. Our PTO has a moderator and it is beneficial because he keeps the meeting moving in the right direction. He requires anyone with old or new business to contact him prior to the meetings so that he can get it on the agenda. He reports to the President and lets her know what's on tap. He is in control of our meetings and makes sure nothing like what you have experienced happens. This is also beneficial with keeping our meetings to 30 minutes, too.
I agree it's not a pto topic. I guess I would say 'sorry but this is not a pto issue & to please take it up with the principal & teachers to resolve it.' Have an agenda because it will help keep meetings on track & if you have to limit topic discussions to 15 min. each, table it for next meeting if it runs over, & move to next topic. If it's not on the agenda & time is running out add it to the next meeting agenda. Also your by-laws should state your mission statement, maybe read it at the meeting to remind everyone what your pto is for. Good luck!!!
Thanks -- sounds like I'm thinking along the right lines. I actually got a call from the principal re this email. I ended up sending a response to all involved saying that these issues are not the focus of the group and that at the next meeting we would be discussing a mission statement and bylaws which sounds pretty much like what you did. Hopefully this will be enough to curb all the lip flapping. LOL.
We recently had some of the same issues. Things were being brought up at our meetings, but they weren't really pto related.
I am the second year pres. for our pto, but it is hard to "attack" someones discussion topics.
I finally called a meeting to discuss "bi-laws" and the purpose of the pto and our meetings. I made it clear that we would only handle pto business at the meetings and all other issues needed to be resolved elsewhere.
It was hard because as the pres. I didn't want to offend anyone, but I had an obligation to the other members, parents, teachers and the principal to put an end to the excessive discussions.
It makes for a long meeting and in the long run, less attendance. Now we stick to the outline I make up in advance. I speak with our officers on small details ahead of time too so we have an idea of where our discussions are going. "brainstorming" ideas are nice but that too can draw things out.
If someone has a suggestion or idea at a meeting and it is not "urgent" we put it down for the next meetings agenda.
Hope it works out for you...
