Thank you for the advice. I admit that I could have handled this situation much better than I did. This was sort of a straw that broke the camel's back situation. I am learning a lot about diplomacy and am taking positive steps toward working well with the prez. I have problems with some of her decisions and lack of leadership, but I also realize I must do whatever I can to ensure that we have a good working relationship.
As for the prez/principal situation, I don't think there is a conspiracy against me personally, but I do know they have made certain decisions between the two of them that are not necessarily in the best interest of the school, PTO, or the kids. I have been privvy to these decisions after the fact, ranging from deciding to throw out all of the former PTO files (and no, that was not done out of lack of space) to deciding to keep the issue of the embezzelment a secret from all parents who are not on the PTO board.
We have a lot of problems in our group. There were no officers last year besides the prez and treasurer (the one who stole the money), there is little interest by the parents because of past problems, the prez is offering very little leadership and communication to current officers because she didnt have to do that last year, and our principal is new this year (although she was vice principal for the past two years). Yes, I should not let my personal feelings get involved in this--and in fact I have a good relationship with the principal--but my attitude of concern is shared by many parents who have spoken with me about PTO and the administration.
I cannot with a good conscious sit on the board and let things happen as they have happened in the past. Although I was not elected (we do not hold elections) I feel it is my job to represent the parents and kids to the best of my ability. Now, having said that, I have also come to realize, having heeded the advice of some of the members of this message board, that charging in and trying to make changes will do more harm than good. But I know what I have seen and heard, and I cannot operate on the assumption that those who are in charge always have the best interests at heart of those they are working for. Maybe I sound cynical and conspiracy minded, but I do know there are other agendas at work here other than the mission statement of the PTO.
And I have learned to tred lightly, pick my battles, and as my granma always said,"get more flies with honey than vinegar." I realize other people have good ideas too, and sometimes they have good reasons that aren't always clear to me for doing or not doing something.
Thank you to everyone who has spoke up on my issue. I am so glad I found you guys--it gives me the opportunity to sound off before I do it publically!