hi guys thanks for your help. I've basically just told her that there are bad people in the world and right now one of them is shooting people. (which is why you now have indoor recess forever... she wasn't happy about that but she did say that she knew it was to keep her safe, so she knows about it, just not all the gory details) I just hope they catch the person soon, I miss going shopping. [img]smile.gif[/img] maggie
Ditto Metzy, I too feel like honesty is the way to go. I don't think that letting my children know when I'm afraid is telling them that I am weak or that it makes me less likely to protect them. It is my job to teach right from wrong and they will be the first to come back and tell me I did not tell the truth. I do however believe that we don't need to spill our guts, that is part of the protection we have to provide them.
I also remember another Oprah show about answering your children's questions about anything in life and the Therapist on the show (I can't remember his name) said LISTEN first to the question, replay that question back n your mind then answer it in your "protection" mode. Most kids aften ask a simple question, and we as parents can bog them down deeply with too much information.
Reassurance of who you are and what your role is and if you are a christain, reassurance of who God is and His role and some really good prayer time with your child is a blessing for the taking.
Children need to know whats going on! We can't protect our children from this world, and I feel we need to prepare them for it!! My husband and I have talked to our kids about this, but we do it in a way so as not to scare them. Yeh, they ask questions, and they are concerned, but we also let them know that we are here to protect them, and they need not to worry about this. [img]tongue.gif[/img] [img]tongue.gif[/img]
My favorite parenting movie - "Life is Beautiful". Rent it in Italian - talk about protecting your children!
I too love that movie! I cried for two hours after I saw the movie. That is my all time favorite movie. It depicts the true meaning of Parenting and protecting your children.
To reply to the original message. I do think the truth should be told, because she will hear information from school, friends, and remember, our children hear everything. I am amazed at how many times my children ask me questions about information they "over hear". However, I do suggest the details be left out. Children use their imaginations when they dont understand something, and I would hate to see her fear something she can not understand AND something she may create. Remind her that the police and school are doing everything they can to protect them and have learned from what happened and how to keep it from happening AGAIN. When 9/11 happened, my children, 7 and 8, were most concerned about that happening again. Hug her everyday. Maybe come up with a special way she can feel safe and close to you when she is at school. My daughter was competing in her first Spelling Bee (she is 7) and was very nervous. I took her hand and kissed the inside a bunch of times, closed her hand and helped her put the hand in her pocket. I told her if she was nervous and wanted a kiss to make her better, all she had to do was reach in her pocket and grab one. IT WORKED! Now we do this for different activities in her life. Even my 8 year old asks for extra kisses when he is playing football, just in case he gets hurt. =)
You are a good mom! You came to this board looking for ways to help your child. Follow your heart and instincts. She knows she can come to your for comfort and you sound like a woman who has a nuturing heart. Good Luck!
I also believe children need to know AND can handle the truth. We deal with political unrest in our host country almost daily, my children see AK47 toting military men all the time, they know what's going on. When we were here during the coup d'etat in April, I showed them I was scared...but I also showed them that we were prepared and would take care of them as best possible. They know what to do in case of a mugging, thank God we've never had any problem, but they still know what to do. Their best friends have a body guard, they take that in stride. Even if I "protected" my children by not showing them the papers & television, they would still hear what's happening around them, and by my sharing it in an open and honest manner I've taken away the fear and made it into a way of life. They still laugh and play, they don't have nightmares or hide in their rooms, they are healthy, happy children. I understand we all raise our children differently, but I honestly feel that children can process what they know as long as they are wrapped in a loving environment for security. :cool:
About 9 years ago, I saw an episode of Oprah. It was about strangers. It has been rerun many times, and different shows have done different takes on it. The thing I remember most was that we should be honest with our children. Oprah asked if this approach wouldn't make our children afraid. The guy said that it should scare our children. Our children need to know at an early age that it can be an ugly world out there. They need to know to look out for themselves. They need to pay attention. They need to know we love them and will do everything in our power to protect them, but that even we cannot stop the world for them. I say tell them the truth. In 1970, I would have told them very little, because very little of what was going on had any impact on the day to day exsistance of a child. We learned in the 1980's that children could handle being told about drugs and sex without damage to their psychies. In the 1990's, we dealt with Aids without damaging their little minds. This is the 2000's and we have to keep up with the world... And so, I hate to say, do they. It kind of goes back to what our 7th grade health teachers told our parents in the 1960's and 1970's. Do you really want them to get their information off the street corner? Like the poster above mine, A Different Opinion, I have a strong opinion about what my children need to know. I think I am as careful as any parent I know, if not more so. I think they need to know, from my husband and myself, what is going on in this world. True, we try to put a spin on it so that they can sleep at night without worrying or having nightmares. We do that by letting them know that we love them, that we are always here for them, that our job is to protect them from harm and that we will do this with every last breath in our bodies. My children sleep well at night because, while they know the world can be a bad place, they know that my husband and I are doing everything we can to protect them and make our little corner of the world as safe a place for them as we can. We don't lie to them. We don't 'not tell' them. We spin our explanations so that they understand and don't have to hear it from their friends at school or on the corner. I think they are well informed without being over-informed. Tell them the truth... gently, but firmly.
