The tone she set forth is rather difficult to take. You can probably change her tone somewhat by not responding in kind. Keep your tone pleasant and professional. I understand her need to have strict control over everything, but the way she goes about it isn't palatable.

Find out about your bylaws -- she should appreciate your attention to detail there. Calling your dues contributions is not that big a deal as long as you get them.

I agree with LUVMYKIDS that time will help her relax a bit and she will become more flexible and will work with you. Probably best not to push her too much right off the bat.

I would try to personally introduce myself all of the directors, too. When they have a face to go with the title "PTO President" they may approach you differently. Little things like that help.

Knowing what is expected of schools and other businesses in regards to privacy and such, I understand some of the requirements she is putting on you. I guess it would have been nicer if she would have called you and arranged a meeting to voice her concerns and needs-the letter itself seems impersonal and kind of bossy. Don't let it get to you. Just work within the guidelines she has given and maybe as she gets more comfortable with you and the parent group, she'll be a bit more flexible in some areas.

I read through this area, and saw a few answers to my question: I guess the principal/director would have final say of what e-mail messages a PTO sends out to other parents, even if it is just a summary of what was discussed at meetings, right ??

But can they prohibit parents from joining a yahoo group, much like this group, to discuss ideas and whatnot ?

I think I am partly offended by the fact that she used the CAPITAL LETTERS to me, and told me to do things, rather than asked, I don't know. A director was at each meeting, and heard everything that was said, and did not raise the concerns she did. Maybe it was the tone that got me, it did not seem collegial at all, and when I arranged a meeting with all of the directors at the beginning of the year to try to figure out how everything was going to work, and the real role of the PTO, they were of no help, so now I feel I am being yelled at for trying to be enthusiastic. And I don't even know if we have bylaws - I think some were written last year, but I don't know if they were ever voted on.

I want to help the kids, and I want to work with the administration, so I don't know what the problem is: I guess I just sort of view everyone as equals, deserving of respect and resent her tone, and also wonder if she will be able to censor the minutes of the meetings, too.

Question: Are PTOs part of the school, or a group of parents who want to help the school ??

I am president of the PTO for two preschools which are part of a college which has several campuses throughout the city. I went to two different meetings at each of the two pre-schools, and then sent the parents who attended or had given me their e-mail addresses an e-mail summarizing what was discussed. I received what I consider to be a rude reply by one of the directors (below). I don't have to forward my communications with other parents to her first, do I ??? Any advice ??

TO: PTO President

Thank you for assisting us with information. There are some things however that need to be clarified.

Because of the sensitivity with publishing information with anything having to do with the college, please send ALL correspondence (email, fax, print, letter, etc), to myself and the other director FIRST. It is important for us to be very clear with information being delivered to parents or to the public.

In addition,

Pictures of children CANNOT be published on any other website except through the college. Yes, we are in process of getting our website up and running. Anything having to do with or for the pre-schools will be done there, not though any other server (as in Yahoo, AOL, etc.). Do not set up a website link. When our website is ready, all information will be found there.

Please provide the head director with the names and full email addresses of parents in spreadsheet format. Please email the parents and ask them for their permission to publish their email addresses.

If parents are going to volunteer in either of the two schools, they MUST be fingerprinted and they must never be left alone with children.

Lastly, we need to make sure we are very clear not to use the word "dues". Parents can make a "contribution" to the schools, but the wording of "dues" needs to be taken out.

If you have any other information, please forward. We look forward to a successful year.

Thank you.

name of director, M.Ed.
Pre-School Lab Director, Location, USA