While my friend and I were first having the discussion about the whole thing, my initial response was to wish Jane had just covered up her test paper rather than going to the teacher (let's face it, it would have avoided a lot of agita!). I hadn't thought about my friend's kid being accused of cheating herself until another kid mentioned that was the reason he would tell the teacher--to stave off blame. However I would certainly never fault Jane herself for going to the teacher, especially since: that's what they are encouraged to do in the school and no matter what, the other kid was wrong for cheating in the first place.
My friend ended up sitting down with her kid and telling her that what the teacher had done was with very poor judgement--that yes--even us scary smart adults make mistakes from time to time. [img]tongue.gif[/img] She told her to just put the incident behind her, but from now on to make sure that any future conversations with teachers (like turning in others) are clearly indicated as "private." She's going to talk to the teacher today to get her side of the story and will save her ultimate decision on course of action until then.
Since all the kids we know seem to have the same response my friend is less worried about how this will affect her child, at least among her friends, but we all know what a b!tch peer pressure can be. The other mother has been entrenched in the school system forever being a product of it herself, and is very involved in town activities. Your initial reaction to her is that she's friendly, but is one of those people you find through experience is better to avoid since you never know what she's up to behind the scenes with her cronies. You know the type! My friend is more worried that the cheater will have taken the "not nice" leaf from the mother's book and be using that as a code of conduct. I can't imagine it getting physical, but we all know how very unpleasant kids can be, especially when parental supervision and guidance is minimal at best with some kids.
I think the child did the right thing going to the teacher. She wasn't "tattling" she was standing up for herself. Is it fair for her to study for the test like she is supposed to and then have some lazy person "steal" her answers? The teacher was completely out of line to let this other girl know who had spoken up about her cheating. My gosh, kids can be so cruel and the teacher just set this child up for a beating(verbal or maybe even physical depending on these kids).
What if the teacher noticed similarities in answers later and brought the girls in and asked them if there was cheating going on? You can bet the popular girl would have vehemently denied that she cheated. If her mother is such a power player and she's so popular, that could mean the teacher would assume the other child was cheating and then what?
When my friend said "narc" I actually laughed at first because it sounded so dated. [img]tongue.gif[/img]
As I said, I may be from (and have been raised by) a different generation than some of the posters here. My parents were much older than my friends' (my parents recently passed away and were 73 and 83). I was raised to "worry about what doing" and "mind my own business" in all but the most serious issues. I beg to differ about the not liking "narcs" and having been turned in by one. I can't stand most tattling because it's intrusive and at times suggests the tattler is somehow morally superior. I don't recall ever doing anything that would have led to me having to be "turned in."
I feel there's a vast difference between tattling and either asking for help or telling a person of authority that something is amiss. In most cases of cheating I feel it's the teacher's responsibibilty to watch and pay attention--it should not be asked of children to police themselves. I've found cheaters always end up getting caught or do themselves in in some other way. They tend to be their own worst enemy. It turns out another friend of ours' daughter (she's a straight A student) was plagued by a kid always trying to cheat off of her, but when she went to her teacher she was less interested in the tattling aspect and asked to be moved away from the cheater because it annoyed her to no end. I asked the striaght A student if she would have wanted the teacher to bring up her name as a source, and she said she would have died if this had happened. Jane's mother was more mildly annoyed because the one time her kid has to open her mouth and it had to be about this one particular kid with this outcome.
But I digress--the issue here wasn't so much about the topic of tattling, but the way the teacher handled the kids and how my friend should now handle the situation. Personally I was apalled by the teacher's actions--she's supposed to understand kids and be there to help--not to make them distrust adults and make their lives miserable. I doubt Jane will be openly ostracized or picked on, but I don't think this will exactly help her either.
If a teacher did this to my kid I would be in the principals office raising hell. This teacher needs to be made aware that he handled this situation terribly. This will also make the principal aware of the situation if the other girl and her friends try to get back at her.
I have to agree with MJBAB--tattling is called for in certain situations. Cheating in class is one of them. Think of where it would lead if it went unchecked. Something like making a face at someone isn't likely to lead to anything more serious. Copying answers on a test is and should be stopped. Kids don't always see this difference, but the teacher surely should. Most teachers I know ignore petty tattling but would probably handle your situation differently (I hope.) It wouldn't have been too difficult to compare the papers first, then confront the "cheater." Anyway, being a "narc" shouldn't sound so bad (I'm not including petty tattling in this statement)...people who don't like narcs are often the same people who have been turned in by one.
OK, my friends will tell you, I'm always one to play devils advocate. While I have to say I completely dissagree with the way the teacher handled the situation, I am surprised that your first instinct is to be upset with "Jane" for telling. I have to point out that several times you referred to her as a "narc". I know this term has come to mean the same as tattle-tale, but lets think about what it actually means. It is a slang term used as an abbreviation for Narcotics Agents.
Just a little food for thought.
