As a former PTO president, I can tell you the negative Nellies I encountered were energy suckers...you spend so much time listening to their gripes, but what value do they really add? The best thing is to listen and see if they have a valid point, and let them know that you'll take the idea under advisement. Then the next meeting, bring up the item yourself and what the discussions/decisions were and WHY. But don't let yourself get drained by them---I think the negatives are the ones who burn out the people who are in and "doing".

These people are one of the reasons I stopped going to meetings. And the fact that the current leadership doesn't want to hear anything negative about what they're doing (and I'm certainly not stepping up to help them either), keeps me away.

We have this problem also. What we have found (especially with the ones that don't volunteer, but want to complain) is when they make a negative comment, for example about our Holiday Craftland, I just simply tell them that I will be very happy to mark down their name and for next year's (Craftland), we will contact you to coordinate the event. Quiets them down everytime.

Hi Sara-
Just a head's up that I re-posted your question on our Facebook page. Thanks to all that jumped into the conversation there or clicked through to offer helpful advice on our boards. If you want to see the Facebook replies click here .

~Lisa


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At the start of the meeting tell everyone that all questions, complaints and suggestions are welcome. HOWEVER - if they complain, suggest or question, THEY are in CHARGE of that thing from THEN on. People that complain rarely help. It takes too much effort to actually work on something to change it, it is much easier to complain. I - tongue in cheek - clearly state to everyone in the room that if they have a problem, they need to figure out a way to fix it - THEMSELVES. Step up and help. People don't like to hear the truth - as we all know it hurts. After years of volunteering and putting up with people's bologna such as this, I just tell it like it is. Always with a smile, and always with humor. People are actually very receptive to that approach. I always turn the tables on them if they are complaining and publicly ask them to chair the thing they are complaining about. (or whatever pressing issue we might need volunteers for). I might not get them to volunteer, but I do get them to keep their thoughts to themselves!

Also try to see this from the "negative" parent's perspective. Is it perhaps that Negative Nell is simply disagreeing with the way that the PTO is doing things? Does Nell have some valid points? Try to remove your personal feelings about Nell and really think about her words, points she brings up. I say this having been Negative Nell at one point, because as a long time parent at a particular school and past board member, I had experience in the events that were being run but that board seemed to not want input from anyone from "before". If Nell is not being heard and Nell is being disregarded and or disrespected, all of our Nell's have the potential to really affect group membership. Nell may see herself as the squeaky wheel and think that she is right to voice dissenting opinions. I'm a board member at another school now, and our goal is to include EVERYONE, not just those that agree with us. Just another POV from a "Negative Nelly"

I agree with the person that stated find a good way to inquire their input on fixing the problem. Also, asking them what are their specific issues with the problems and if they would be willing to join the committee on that project. On a side note, extend invitations to them the next time your committee meets in order for them to help mediate their issues at an additional time.