Hi 231parent!
This sounds like a situation in which the various folks involved have good intentions, but things have been lost in the communication.
Before you make any big decisions, we suggest you ask the principal for a meeting. Not a super serious meeting, but a more casual, "let's connect and figure out how we can communicate better."
If the principal is reluctant to OK any fundraisers or family events, there must be a reason. Maybe there's a misunderstanding in what the PTO would like to do and how it needs to fundraiser in order to support the school? Or perhaps past events didn't go well and there's a discussion needed on how to do them differently.
Take the approach that you really want to learn where the principal is coming from and you really want to share what the PTO hopes to do to support this school. Don't approach it like you are adversaries.
These resources might be good reads ahead of time:
Your Relationship with the Principal
www.ptotoday.com/pto-today-articles/arti...p-with-the-principal
6 Tips for Talking with the Principal
www.ptotoday.com/pto-today-articles/arti...g-with-the-principal
Improve Your Relationship with the Principal
www.ptotoday.com/pto-today-articles/arti...p-with-the-principal
Good luck and stay in touch! We're happy to answer other questions as you move forward,
Rose