Another idea is to invite that parent to a PTO meeting, or even have a meeting with her in private. Ask her for her ideas, and try and get her involved in anything you may want to plan in that area. The Special Needs teachers would also be a great resource in this area.
It isr tough--but the idea is to pull together events that allow and encourage participation by everyone. We started a PTO Spirit Award that was very well received and made that award one that was given to the child in the classroom that came to school everyday with a great attitude, terrific spirit and willingness to do their best. That meant that all of our children had a fair shot and many, many times teachers were able to recognize their very deserving special needs children with the award. It was truly heartwarming to have those children come to the stage and receive their recognition, and to have their peers clapping and in most cases assisting their journey forward to stand next to the other children.
Also--we ran a special day event called "Dreamcatcher's Day". The day was totally designed to be a day of fun for our special needs children. We assigned buddies to each child, set out games and events that were part of their routine learning day that they enjoyed (the parachute was a big hit). We held it indoors so the heat wouldn't impact the children and then capped everything off with a 2 inning t-ball game complete with trophies awarded to the children that attended. We had face painting, appropriate crafts and even took care of the special dietary needs of the children attending so the parents could have a Saturday morning where they could interact with parents of other special needs children as well as the buddy parents in attendance.
This may sound small, but take the time to learn the names of your special needs PTO members. Make it a point to greet them by name and their parents when they are in the school. Word will spread, it always does, that all families are welcomed and celebrated in your organization.
Good luck and thanks for considering this very special group of families.
Any ideas on how to include the families of Special Needs children? I talked w/ a parent of one of these children at our school and they feel left out of the PTA.