tw,
The water really is just fine, but you need to make sure you have your life jacket on. I'm sorry your beginning experiences have not been good, stay with it tho', it truly is rewarding to be involved. It is true, it is harder to be involved when working full time, but it is doable. There are evenings and weekends, lots of places to start volunteering, that don't require massive amounts of time. Keep going to meetings and ask or better yet volunteer for things & times that you know you can do, i.e. running a game at the spring fair for an hour, or running the book fair for an hour or two. Ask your child's teacher what you can do to help outside of the class room, cutting out projects at home, calling other parents for food donations for a party, etc. My volunteering started with my oldest son's kindergarten teacher and away I went, now nine years later I'm still involved (with three school's now, elem., middle & high)and still enjoying it.
Here's the rather hard part, THINGS SHOULD NOT BE DECIDED OUTSIDE THE ACTUAL PTO MEETINGS! I'm not sure how you should go about approaching this situation or even if you should just yet? Get to know the parents of the children in your child's class, they may wish to get involved with the PTO too and as the membership grows, more organization will be needed and the problem of "outside decisions" may resolve itself.
At any rate, Please stay involved, it's extremely important to & for your child. The benefits far outway the trials & tribulations of dealing with some adults.
Good Luck & God Bless,
kidsfirst