Hi Snow -
It's too bad, but you are far from alone in feeling real pressure and negativity from state PTA folks when announcing a change.
My first advice is to remember that you've done nothing wrong, in the big sense of wrong. You and your fellow parent volunteers are still doing great work and you really care about kids. That's the most important thing. Drives me crazy when there's an implication that volunteers go from great to awful, by virtue of an acronym change. It's the furthest thing from the truth.
Now, the second part is more touchy, and it really depends on which path you want to follow. While it's certainly a possibility to just maintain your PTA for this year while getting your ducks in a row, it doesn't sound like that's what you guys want to do. That said, it is a possibility. You could stay an "official" PTA with a handful of members while you work to wind down the group. It's even possible to start your PTO at the same time. Some groups do this, and then run all their fundRAISERS through the PTO and all the fundSPENDERS through the PTA until the PTA budget is down to zero.
On the other hand, you guys seem to have already decided to "go" PTO. And you *should* have no problem doing so. You're big boys and girls and you're not hostages. I'm not a lawyer and I don't have a copy of the specific California PTA bylaws (check yours -- they're the official guide, not the word of an officer on the phone), but it sounds like you guys have not officially dibanded yet. If that's the case, you should be able to donate most of your property to your school right now. You could spend down your bank account by purchasing needed items for your school/kids/programs. You and the state PTA (should) share a desire to see your work go to benefit the kids, so there shouldn't be much conflict (and if there is conflict -- you should win) provided you're doing things for the kids.
Finally, I'd say that I've yet to come a cross a case where all the threats have actually been tested. Your coffee pot, for example, is a great example of ridiculousness here. I'm not sure that demand (and others like it) is legally correct. I'd love to find out. I know for sure that it wouldn't stand up in the court of public relations or public opinion. It's just silly.
KCSwan and I usually agree on most/all of this stuff, but here we disagree. I don't think it's reasonable. Yes, this local PTA benefitted from the PTA name, but: 1) they paid (dues) for that benefit; and 2) the local members did a lot more work to get that coffee pot than did the PTA name. If this silly demand were correct, then every group that joins the PTA better plan on staying a PTA forever, else they'll be forced/asked to give up everything they've purchased over the years. A coffee pot is a ridiculous example, but what if the group had purchased a van for the special needs kids at school or a beautiful framed mural for the cafeteria?
I'm done, Snow, but I'll just finish by saying thanks for working so hard for kids. Remember that you guys are doing great things, even if you're treated like criminals over the next few months.
Good luck,
Tim