We planted a tree near the playground for the second grader we lost last year and two more trees are being planted in memory to the two staff members the school lost in the last six months. As much as our campus can use the lanscaping, I sure would like to have a diferent reason for all this work!
Something the kids were able to do was their own memorial service for their classmate. The families met one saturady and just talked and shared. It was a boy in my son's class and we weren't able to attend, I did hear it was nice and there were staff and counselors there to listen and talk and comfort. This helped so much.
We had a preschooler pass away this year. Our staff collected money to help offset funeral costs because the family has next to nothing. The little boy had been very sick, and the family lost almost everything (if not everything) in a fire last year. Very tragic.
I just completed a memorial page in the yearbook for this child and cried for 2 days. When I gave it to the yearbook advisor to check, he got choked up too. Losing a child is such a horrible thing. As a parent, I can't even begin to imagine...
We had a second grader die a few years ago. I don't remember if this activity was sponsored by the second grade class, or the parent group. But what we did was have the second graders decorate a small quilt square with fabric paints--they made pictures of the girl, or something about other memories of her or the school. Someone pieced it all together, and it's now a big wall hanging that hangs in the school. There's a plaque next to it that says it was constructed in her memory.
What about the PTO planting a tree on the school property? Kind of a way to celebrate living. Also, it would give the students a way of remembering their friend. An old church of ours did this for people who lost children. I always thought it was a great idea. Also, starting a collection/donation jar at the school might be appropriate to help with funeral costs.
I am sorry to hear of your loss. we have not had to face this, however one of our schools has lost childern to cancer and has a student fighting for her life now. They had a carnival to raise money for the families. At another local school that lost a child, the school made arrangements for the classmates to attend the calling hours. I think it would be nice if you planned a months worth of dinners have everyone package the food for frezzing. And donations to help with expenses are always appericated.
There's been alot of discussion about this kind of thing on the board--you might want to search.
Our PTO would not have a problem with making a memorial to a charity; it might also be nice to arrange some meals for the family. I think most agreed it would not be appropriate to try and give large sums of money to offset funeral expenses.