I think the school staff is the one to address this. Although its nice that the PTO wishes to do something, you have to consider the big picture of other family members that may be lost during the course of the year (parents, grandparents, siblings, ...) and then what about the teachers, staff and their families as well. It can get out of hand.
If the class mother would like to coordinate something with the kids in the class, that is one thing. If neighbors would like to do something, that is wonderful. However, I wouldn't get the PTO involved.
It's like sponsoring an event that benefits a specific charity--how do you choose one when there are so many out there and parents all have favorities.
When my son lost his grandfather that he was very close to, they sent him to the school counselor.
The counselor had a sheet of paper that said "You never really lose the people you keep close to your heart" and then a big bubble for him to draw a favorite memory of him and grandpa.
He chose to draw a picture of the livingroom and the chairs, couch, tv and drew grandpa and grandma and himself in the spots where they set everyday after school and watched tv and ate a snack of cookies (which grandpa would try to tell him he owed a quarter for).
The counselor then laminated the picture and sent it home with him. It was such a heart felt rememberance that we had colored copies made, displayed the laminated one in the casket and took another copy and folded it up and had it placed in the inside pocket of grandpa's jacket and had it buried with him.
Ona's got a good approach. We had a family that lost a child and we too started the meal thing. We eased off and then started reqeusting the donation of cards to eateries so they could use them as they needed them.
This happened at our pre-school a few years ago. The mother passed suddenly and the father was left with 3 small children. We put up sign-up sheets for cooking meals a couple times a week and delivering them; helping with the house cleaning; transportation and shopping.
The sign-ups began within a week after all the services and continued for a couple of months. We had collectively agreed that there are always friends and family around to help right after the tragedy - in the first week or two - but then what? So, that is what we put together, just a little bit of time from each one of us. He was so appreciative of it all! It was a big help to him to see how it all flowed on a day-to-day basis. He was able to integrate himself into all of these other everyday tasks (shopping, cooking, etc.) little by little along with raising 3 boys and working a full time job.
I don't know how large your school is, maybe you could try the same with the parents of the child's class?
"Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it" - Ferris Bueller
We have faced this too often in our school. It seemed that a gift of some sort would be too trivializing so we've kept it to just a card to the family from the PTO. On one occassion a parent asked us to print a note of thanks in our newletter to the school for their support which of course we did.
It is a very difficult time and I would say unless someone very close to the family can give you a very concrete idea of what would benefit, letting them handle this privately is probably best.
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