I can sympathize with your plight. We have one aide who caused quite a bit of agita last year. She's a hardened veteran, and it came to light she was smacking kids in the head. You know, "Keep it down!" then a bitch slap to the back of the head.
The students (sixth graders), decided to try and handle it themselves and went to the principal (and we know what a prize she is), who blew them off. One of the kids went to his mother, who was also an lunch aide at that time but for a different grade. She naturally went
ape and went to the principal. Not only is it totally unacceptable that anyone lay a hand on your kid, she also pointed out that had it been her doing that and not some 85 year old friend of the school secretary, she'd not only been fired, but someone would have called DYFS (state Department of Youth and Family Services) on her.
The aide was called in, told to stop the hitting, and received no formal reprimand.The mom who complained was the pariah of the lunch aide group--even with those who agreed with her. The main problem was that she got an 85-year old woman in trouble.
I said she was lucky it wasn't my kid--I'd have given her a little of her own medicine and seen if she'd liked it!
I see no problem with bringing this up at a PTO meeting. It's a child, parent and administrative issue--what better place to broach the subject? You don't have to work on solving the problem there, but I think it's a good place to start. Naturally you need to call a meeting with the principal--with other parents present. Have
in writing the complaint, why it's a problem and suggestions on how the problem could be remedied. Don't be accusatory or judgemental, but be specific. You can't just say she's a b!tch--what exactly is she doing? Try to couch it in terms of the situation being problematic, but you all want to be helpful and solve the problem--not get her in trouble. While the behavior is understandable if the secretary isn't being paid for this extra work, or she needs more help it's still inappropriate. Volunteers are a good place to start. Definitely put in there that you all expect the behavior to stop. Cc the superintendent and Board of Education. If you don't get the response you want, you could casually mention that it needs to be brought up at a BOE meeting (a public forum which could cause some embarrassment).