Just my 2 cents

We have different issues involved around dances at our school because we're a very small PS-8. We've had complaints in the past about our dances being a free-for-all with the main problem being the parents doing the "drop and roll" (aka drop your kid off at the door and make a break for it). The little kids ran around all over the place, the big kids were out of control and it was just a bad accident waiting to happen.

When the new board took over we tabled the motion of a dance until further discussion. Much to the horror of the team, we discovered the VP lined up entertainment without consulting us, then we were uncomfortably in the situation of having a dance noone wanted to have in the first place. So, we made some ground rules. The VP ignored all of them (including that she was in charge of it) pre-dance until the week before. At that time we had a messy meeting, the basics of which were "you are in charge of this event. If you don't have adequate parental involvement, we're pulling the plug!" Within 2 days 15 parents were lined up.

With just a couple of parents hemming and hawing, we made changes and made it clear to the kids (and adults) that if rules were not followed there would NOT be a dance next year. Rule 1, each child must be supervised by an adult at all times. Rule 2, sign up at the door ensures rule #1. Rule 3, The dance is an event that takes place in the gym...not the bathroom, not the halls, not the parking lot. Rule 4, if you must leave the building for any reason, your child MUST be under the care of another adult. Rule 5, if you break the rules you WILL be going home.

We did have a couple of problems, but adequate staffing helped to nip them in the bud. (including sending a boy home immediately when he started wrestling in the hall) A big dad at the door and another posted down the hall virtually eliminated bathroom and exterior door issues.

For the first time in years we had parents actually saying they enjoyed themselves at the dance and they thought, bar a few minor glitches, it went off terrific.

But how do you handle a disorderly parent?

Someone (not just the President) should have called the police. The president of a PTO has more things than you can possibly imagine to do which makes her or him the absolute worst person to put in charge of crowd control at an event. It does appear that the PTO didn't necessarily address concerns ahead of time. A committee is needed to organize an event, but that doesn't mean that the PTO is totally off the hook either.

Finally, I am a bit confused about how things were allowed to escalate. Were there NO responsible adults at the dance? In this age of cell phones NO ONE felt the need to call for help sooner? While I really feel for the kids missing out, I gotta side with the principle on this one. The "good" parents did nothing to stop this drunken mom. We need to teach our kids by modeling responsible behavior, not just by NOT misbehaving.

"1. Notify the subject member of the receipt of a removal request and inform the subject member of their rights to contest the removal."

WOuld be appropriate to add, 'and inform the subject member of specific alleged actions, for said request for removal'.

In that way, the accused knows what matter to address, in their rebuttal (prepared comments is the term used above) of presenting the facts from thier side and countering potential erroneous information provided to the board.

RRO online also has some good sentences for 'disciplinary actions' that are very fair and democratic, and take all the emotion and hearsay out of such cases. Lets face it, parent group disputes are about emotion as much as fact (or hearsay).

I was very specific when I wrote this portion and very detailed in the way I thought the request should run. Many folks may not be an anal about this as I was but in this particular instance I believed that more specific was better...here you go!!!

A member may be considered for removal from the PTO membership if their behavior is determined to be contrary to the orderly execution of the PTO mission. This is an extreme step that should be carried out in only the most aggregious situations.

Procedures: A request for consideration for removal of a member may be presented to a PTO Board Member at any time that an act is seen as so aggregious as to warrant subject members removal. The request for consideration of removal must be signed by 5 members in good standing. At the next scheduled board meeting (or within 2 weeks, whichever comes first) the Board Member will present the request to the PTO Board for continued action.

The PTO Board will:

1. Notify the subject member of the receipt of a removal request and inform the subject member of their rights to contest the removal.

2. Schedule the issue for vote at the next scheduled PTO meeting as long as that meeting date allows for a 30 day notification time of general membership that a vote is being called for the dismissal action.

3. Thirty days prior to the scheduled meeting, a flier with the meeting agenda will be distributed via backpacks.

4. As required a special PTO meeting may be called to ensure the subject
member has 30 days to prepare any comments in response to the removal of their membership.

5. Any votes not meeting the timelines stated above are consider not applicable to the individual’s membership and are not binding on the PTO.

6. A 2/3 vote in favor of removal by a quorum as defined in these bylaws is required for the action to be carried.

Hopet his helps...d

dlf and RobinD: Thank you for your help and a second chance to clarify my initial post. Our Pres. did basically get the position by default but Ihope that she will realize that its not an easy job and will strive to work with all us. If not then I will definitely put myself on the ballot.
dlf: If you can post the wording of the clause in your By Laws that relates to removing someone that would be great- I will pass it on to our By Law chairperson. I know she has been working on some By Law changes. Our last meeting was canceled and we don't meet again until Dec. which unfortunately means we won't have anything new approved until Jan. But at least it will be there if, God forbid, we should need it in the future. I think for now we will just ask the membership to vote on removing her.
I have sent this link to our Exec. Board so they too can get help when needed. Thanks again for all your help!

I, too am glad to see you provided more info. Based on a few lines, which I won't bother quoting, it certainly seemed like you came here to blame, and vent.. I am glad to see that your perspective has changed ( or that you have clarified your point). Please remember, we don't know you, or the situation, and can only comment on that which you ( or anyone) writes.! [img]smile.gif[/img]

I'm glad to see another entry from you with more information. It helps to take a look at this from all different perspectives. I'm also glad to hear that you all have such a willing spirit to help. I'm disappointed in your Principal for having such a hands off sense of things. Your by laws should govern however, your ability to remove someone even without the actions of the Principal involved. Our bylaws to dismiss someone do not hinge on the Principals approval. If you don't have such a clause in your bylaws then please let us know and I can post ours (that I've included due to concerns I've developed about things I've read on these boards). I have to say that I don't endorse having any function be a "drop em off" function because of the nature of children left unattended (mine included). If that was the billing then, I do think there should have been a much stronger sense of control over what was going on. Even saying that, I do disagree with the idea that the principal can transfer her authority to anyone else. It just doesn't happen that way. I do feel that I have a bit of authority within our organization but it has been built only by the way I've interacted with the group of wonderful parents I'm working with.
Now if your pres had all of these offers to help and turned them down then shame on her. The first thing that should have happened was the music off, the lights up and order restored. Ground rules are a must and maybe ought to be sent home prior to the event. That gives a standard of conduct that is expected by all children. At least then you have some standing on asking a child to leave (although if this is a drop off event I'm not sure how you'd do that unless you have contact numbers for the parents).
I'm surprised that if folks knew the nature of the President that she was voted into her position. My hubby and I always say "you know what you get when you pay 5 bucks for a haircut"...sounds like maybe no one else stepped up and she won perhaps by default. I hope that with your insights and seemingly organized flair in approaching these things that perhaps you'll consider the position. I read the other day that "government is run by those that show up"...that is true of PTOs as well. It sometimes works well and sometimes doesn't. I'm glad no one was seriously hurt at the function or god forbid lost outside. A total after action review of the event and corrective actions that will occur the "next time" if there is one...is definitely in order...

"I have spoken with the Board and expressed what I felt should have been done and we all hope to work together to strengthen our group. These events have always ran smoothly- if its not broke dont fix it. Unfortunately we learned the hard way that this is so true."

Over time even things that run well have a nature that deteriorates as everyone gets comfortable. That comfort factor sometimes leads to too much relaxtion ...

You'll have to tell us how the next event goes...good luck to you and the folks that are working to make this right. I can tell you that our school just had our Trunk or Treat and Monster Mash with about 600 parents and kids in attendence. It all went very well but we certainly spent time discussing the issues you've presented as things that might go haywire. Your post reminded me that that we can never get too complacent about these things...it's just too important...

d