FroggerMom - I had to spend some time thinking about this. Your group has so much going on that it's hard to focus on your main question.
Specifically, about paying for this $800 item, I'd say don't do it. It isn't a matter of being nice or not nice. It's the treasurer's job to make sure sound financial practices are followed. Lacking bylaws, you still have sufficient reason to deny the request. There is no record of an approved allocation; draining the account to near zero is irresponsible; without open discussion among the members, no one knows for certain that this is an item that's wanted or needed.
It sounds like there is a personal issue going on and, in a way, you're being asked to take sides. Don't allow them to do that to you. When personal issues rule the decision making process it's up to someone to take a stand, say "Enough" and get the focus returned to what's best for the entire school. As one of the executive officers of your PTO, you can and should be that person.
If I may be so bold as to offer advice for you going forward:
*You're right to expect to recieve a copy of the bylaws. Suggest to your incoming president that a copy be given to
all voting members. Also have copies on file in the school's library, the main office and the district office.
*If no bylaws exist, or the current ones no longer apply, draft new ones. Your executive board, along with a bylaws committee can work together to draft bylaws specific to your groups needs. Refer to Robert's Rules of Order -
www.rulesonline.com
*Even if there's no official secretary, minutes should be taken at
every meeting. It's the president's duty to assign the task to a member, or take on the task him/herself if the secretary isn't there.
*If your bylaws don't specify carryover limits (minimum and maximum) suggest a revision. Some groups spend down to the last penny. Others manage to allocate for all of the next year's events. My group requires "a minimum of $800 but preferably $1500" be carried over in General Funds. All other funds can be spent or allocated.
*Use this change of leadership to return to the basics. If you've had no secretary and little community involvement, now is the perfect time to turn things around. Get the principal, some teachers, the incoming executive board and a handful of active members to work together to focus on the kids, the school and the larger community. If everyone else sees you having fun, being positive role models and really contributing to the school, they'll come out in droves to help!