Yes, you really can just call the IRS for advice, even if you think you're asking a "dumb" question. They are really helpful, and the absolute best authority when you have a question like this. The exempt organization (i.e. non-profit) help line is 1-877-829-5500.
The IRS's website is also very good. It's
www.irs.gov
. I searched the Charities/Non-profits section for 5019c(3) and didnt get any hits. What do you think it is? Maybe it's got another name.
We have a budget of $1,500 set aside for staff appreciation, out of a total budget of $30,000. We use that money for lunches and small gifts for our teachers and staff. There's no problem with the IRS on this. The IRS gets testy if people personally gain in a substantial way from the non-profit status of an organization in a way that is inconsistent with the organization's founding purpose. But you can give tokens of appreciation. But don't take our word for it. Call the IRS. Ask them not only for an answer, but also for the number of the Publication that addresses your concerns. The IRS has hundreds of free publications that address virtually every tax/irs situation. If you know the number, you can download it off the internet or have it mailed to your home free of charge. Nothing has more authority than an official IRS publication!
p.s. Does your PTO carryover money from year to year? When I heard concerns from your members that your non-profit can't give thank you gifts, it made me wonder if they also are under the (mistaken) impression that a non-profit can't keep money in the bank year to year. just wondering.