Well, we had our first Donuts with Dad this morning! Whew! We had over 250 dads (or grandfathers, older brothers, etc.) attend this event, for a total of about 575 including the students. It was the biggest event we've held at the school so far (other than Open House). During the week, I had gone to every classroom and videotaped the children who were coming leaving a message for their dad. One of the teachers at school put it into a little video and we showed it during the breakfast. It went over very well. Muffins with Mom will be held in the spring.
Our school side steps the issue by having Breakfast with a Buddy 3 or 4 times a year. No one is offended, and we can accomodate many more people by offering it more frequently.
I've been the chairman of donuts with dads for 2 years, running 5 of them so far. Last month we had our first one this year, and my husband could not get out of a meeting, so my boys did not get to go. They understood that it was a dad thing and that they could ask a neighbor to go with them, but they choose to wait until next time and go with Dad. While I served donuts and coffee, my kids played on the playground with other kids who did not bring anyone. No ones feelings were hurt.
I worried about the same problem before we had our first Donuts with Dad. We were very careful to word our notes Donuts with Dad (or another important male in your life). That way no one is left out. I can't count how may grandfathers we had there. It is unfortunate that some Dad's aren't around, but surely everyone has some male figure in their life they could bring. And yes, at least one child I know personally was there with a fireman who wasn't their Dad or anyone related to them!
I think it's just wonderful that you want to consider all the kids' feelings. However, we just haven't really seen it as an issue. Those few minutes before school are a bit chaotic. The younger kids are heading into the cafeteria, the older ones the gym. Everyone is busy talking to their friends.
Those attending Donuts for Dad or Muffins for Mom proceed further up the hall to a different area. (Ours is held in the library.) There are masses of kids in every area, so it's not as if a tiny number of children are left behind and excluded. They are continuing with their daily routine.
From what I've seen, a few kids will good naturedly make a comment about "You're so lucky - you get a DONUT" (far more important than the company of a mere parent).
We do stress that a child can invite any relative or adult to come - it doesn't have to be a man on Dad's day. And teachers/counselors are always on the lookout for special situations and hardships.
But as much as the mom in me wants to protect every child from every possible hurt, this really is just part of life (barring very special circumstances). You don't get to participate in everything every time. Sometimes someone else gets a treat and you don't. Note - the teachers on duty in the cafeteria and gym don't get a donut either; and they mention that to kids who moan and groan about missing the treat. These little life lessons are important in helping children deal with much bigger situations.
Yes, of course, we want to protect the kids and make everyone feel special every time. But we also have to help them learn to cope with life. The teachers are used to dealing with these situations. Let them guide you, but I wouldn't worry too much about this as a looming problem.
