I am sorry to hear about what happened in this situation. A LOT of people take their title to a level of power trip that should never be allowed though we are all individuals and we must find a way to move forward in the face of adversity.
My outlook on your situation is this: Remember not to take this personally. These funds are not your personal funds. I understand things went wrong politically though sometimes you must step out of the conflict with grace and dignity allowing the other parties involved to see that you and your board have integrity and professionalism.
I would use caution with this principal and the other school involved. Our Board must vote on any expenditures over 1,000. This may solve any future conflicts. Allow your board to decide and then give your principal a yes or no.
helpin, I really do sympathize with your concerns about how much control the principal should have as well as how much your group should be influenced by the actions of the other group.
I do agree with the principal in this situation simply because it's too late in the year to change things. It stinks that things ended up the way they did but this seems to me a classic grin and bear it kind of thing.
That said, I would be sure that it doesn't happen again. Like dlf mentions, approach the other group again next year but do so by including both principals as well. Then, go into the meeting not with a "we'll win it this time" approach but with a "let's work together to have the kind of picnic the kids and parents really want" attitude.
Also, like Jim says, maybe you can have two days next year. If funds and schedules allow, have the traditional picnic with the other school as well as a day just for your kids at the campground.
Finally, again agreeing with the other posters, consider having a meeting with the principal. Have a year end wrap up sort of discussion, talking about what worked, what didn't, and how you can keep the lines of communication open.
It's says a lot about your group that this is your first real conflict with the principal. Things must usually run pretty smoothly and that's rarely from blind luck but rather from everyone working together. Sadly, one bad situation can turn the tide and sour relationships to the point of groups disbanding. Take the high road, meet with the principal and smooth things out for a great start next school year.
Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Some stay for awhile and leave footprints on our hearts. And we are never, ever the same."
"The ultimate aim of karate lies not in victory or defeat but in the true perfection of one's character."
You know our 5th grade programs were beginning to take a large chunk of our change (like over a thousand a year just for 5th graders). It was all for great stuff (DARE and Moving Up ceremonies) but it was starting to be of concern that one grade was taking up such a large chunk of money raised. This year we've started a Legacy Fund. Our 5th graders sell ice cream for a dollar a piece 2 times a month on Fridays. They make the signs, they collect the money the adults buy the ice cream but for the most part it is a 5th grade thing. The 5th grade then donates the money to fund the rising 5th graders as sort of their legacy to the coming grade. Any left over monies are put toward a donation of a needed item to the school as a whole. The sales go tremendously; the effort locks in the position of the 5th graders as the big sisters and brothers of the school, the economic side of things figures easily into a lesson plan and so this is standards of learning friendly, and the response is remarkable for such a small amount of effort (like 300 dollars every 2 weeks). Over the course of the school year that adds up to some serious money. Since I'm leaving as the PTO president this year, I've volunteered to lead the creation and monitor the Legacy Fund. Perhaps you could consider something similar where the 4th graders are funding their picnic themselves (or maybe them funding the picnic for nextyear is their Legacy.). Just a way to meet in the middle and not feel like a significant amount of your money is going to one smaller group of children...
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I agree with what you're saying for the most part. I have learned to pick and choose my battles. Like I said, we have up to this point agreed on everything. My concern is for the future...knowing we don't want to fund the picnic, he tells us we have to and no chance that we'll ever change the location. That's not a compromise, it's a dictatorship. That says to me he's willing to let us bust our butts to make improvements to his school, that the district can't afford to budget, as long as we do everything he wants with the money. If that is how it's to be, I know plenty of parents who are willing to walk away from the PTO altogether, and I am one of them. The kids and parents from our school want the picnic moved and we're supposed to be here for the kids. By the way, one of the principles kids is a 4th grader...
In some ways I agree, as I usually do, with CrewChief and dif. At this point you need to play somewhat nice and pay for your portion of the picnic, go and have a great time with no annimosity whatsoever...
On the other hand I don't understand your Principal's decision to shut down the campground idea.
I would recommend setting up another meeting with your Principal. Maybe just your President, or President/V.P. Start off by explaining how you feel that this is all for the kids and that the picnic tradition is great and that you are fully supportive. But then ask why the campground idea is an issue. Maybe your Principal has a valid reason. Is it during the school day? Maybe two days away from school is considered too much. Maybe the decision is coming from the Superintendant and not from the Principal. Who knows at this point. Ao try to find out the Principal's reasoning and then see what can be done from there. Maybe in the end you can come to an understanding that makes everyone happy.
You're absolutely right that he can't dictate where you spend your money. But the reality is the PTO/Principal relationship is the most important one in the school and at times there has to be concessions made in order to continue to do the good work you're doing. Congrats on teh smartboard purchase. That's a tremendous enhancement to your learning program. I think if this were me...really...I would make a one on one appointment with the principal and let him know that you feel undercut by the change in plans that he made whilst you were out of town. It was disingenuous to the agreement you'd made. Tell him you want to ensure that your funding priorities are aligned for the coming year and then go through them. There's really nothing you can do about what has happened to date and you are on the "right" side of things. I think CC and I just agree that "nothing good" can come from pursuing this particular year's fight.
I am approaching my 20th year of marriage. As my husband and I face the inevitable fights after this long of a time together I sometimes ask myself "is it worth the marriage" and so far the answer has been no and I've been able to get over whatever the issue was. Your relationship with the principal is much the same. If you've had good relations up to this point, "is it worth the marriage"? I think that is how I'd broach it...and move on.
