Q&A

Unruly, negative members

We have a very small group of moms in our PTO who consistently pick apart everything that our board tries to do. Everything from giving cookies to our teachers as a token of appreciation, to what fundraisers we are having, etc...it's completely picked apart. When they come to PTO meetings they are rude, confrontational, and petty. They have made threats to overthrow the president and kick the entire board off. They've even gone so far as to contact school administration regarding they're personal issues with PTO, to which the administration doesn't respond to their rants and raves. There are about 2 moms in this little "group" that have brought nothing but negativity to the table for the past few years and the board, and other PTO members have grown very tired of it. "Good" volunteers have opted to not come to meetings because of the drama caused by the negativity. Is it possible for our board to ban these parents from PTO ur at least suspend them as members?
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People like that are infuriating! It makes you wonder why they come at all since they seem to do nothing but be disruptive. Unfortunately, you can't really ban them for being royal PITAs. I highly recommend the article How To Deal With Difficult People. Your folks sound like classic "snipers" as defined by the article -- people who just like to criticize and tear down. It goes into some depth on how to best deal with them. They key is you have to confront them individually and get to the root of the real problem -- what's underlying all that negativism. It's hard, but a strong response can be successful.
- Craig
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How To Deal With Difficult People: https:/classic.ptotoday.com//pto-today-articles/article/409-how-to-deal-with-difficult-people

We've tried to talk to them, individually, but nothing is helping. These people have been disruptive for years, and we've tried to ignore it, or almost cater to them to try to keep things civil. However, one of these ladies is a former committee chair. As chairperson, she defied the bylaws that are very clearly stated, and wouldn't answer for her actions. Honestly, to all involved on the other side of their negativity, it seems like "sour grapes" because they can't get into an officer position. Our members don't like the negativity and pettiness these ladies bring to the table, and refuse to vote for them. Our PTO is at it's wits end with these people and every avenue has been explored short of the use of duct tape.
- MamaK
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Haha -- I like the duct tape option! I think you could ban them if they're making personal attacks on people (with the proper warning first), but it's hard to justify if they're just being negative and annoying. In general, it's important to be assertive in dealing with them. When they are making inappropriate remarks, say so and cut them off. You have to be vigilant about keeping them in line -- don't let them wear you down.; that's what they're hoping for. It will help your other members if you draw a line and work at keeping your snipers from crossing it. You won't be successful all the time, but people will see that these two aren't being allowed to take over. It will make everyone else more comfortable.
- Craig
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Thank you for your feedback!
- MamaK
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